if this heat does not let up, i will most definitely go jack nicholson insane. your brain can only handle being simmered in your brainpan for so long before things start to go terribly wrong.

on the way home from work i started falling asleep, even though the windows were shut and the a/c on. even though i was trying to sing at the top of my lungs

Donde no hay sufrimiento,
Me vieron pasar por la calle,
Isla del encanto,
Me voy!

even then i was slipping in and out, having hallucinatory flashes of work and home and red and yellow sunbursts behind my eyelids, each time seeing the car in front of me coming up closer and closer.

fielding phone calls in my head, getting proposals finished,

sitting with my head in my mom's lap when i was 6, the smell of beach towels under me in the back seat of the station wagon,

the spinning of my ceiling fan as it shakes and shakes at 2am, the lights from my screen saver spinning with it,

sleep driving and dreaming of ice cubes and snow angels.

feeling the itch on the back of my neck, wishing i could just say things plainly, not so cryptic, not trying to be pretty or interesting this time, urging myself to just be plain.

i want to be plain, i want to be ordinary, i want not to cry at nina simone songs,

i want to melt into everything

use this heat for my own purposes

this time.