it was just...well, it was radiohead.

i don't even think i can describe it. i know that sounds ridiculous, but that's how they are for me.

i'll try to explain by listing what they played:

NATIONAL ANTHEM [i was pissed off through this whole song because i realized i would not be able to see anything the whole show. i could barely see the top of the stage. fucking tall people.]

MORNING BELL [still angry, but starting to groove a little to the music instead of just standing there with my hands on my hips scowling at the back of everyone's head and shoulders]

LUCKY [it really starts to sink in now that i am at the show. this is my favorite song off ok computer. i also stop being a sour bitch when i realize that i will spend most of the show with my eyes closed anyhow. i look up at the sky, hug my shoulders and sing at the top of my lungs while i let the world disappear behind closed lids]

AIRBAG [just in case anyone forgot due to the last two albums, radiohead just wanted to remind you that they can bring it. and this song is why colin greenwood is my favorite non-thom member of the band. that boy not only can get sick with his bass, he hides back by the drum kit while he plays. that's just flat adorable.]

IN LIMBO [this is the first song that jon and i just kind looked at each other, linked arms, i set my head on his shoulder and we held each other through the song. this is what we do for most of the time at radiohead shows. radiohead live is just for me and him. period. this was also my favorite song off of kid a when i first got it. it sounds so much better live]

[it's hard for me to write about seeing them without feeling like a total retard, it's so close to me. i feel naked and i am embarassed to confess how deeply music affects me. but i'm being honest.]

PACKT LIKE SARDINES IN A CRUSHED TIN BOX [he dedicated this song to all of us who are caught in traffic everyday of our lives. he dedicated this song to me]

YOU AND WHOSE ARMY [thom was a little chatty cathy during this show. and before this song he said "this song is for the roman empire" at which jon grabbed me by the shoulders to keep from falling to his knees. i totally understood. this is the song for jon right now. it's the song that breaks him inside. i have come home more than once in the last few weeks and he has been on the couch, this song on repeat at top volume, the room dark, his arm thrown over his eyes. i have completely been in that place. so i wrapped my arms around him and listened to him sing with thom, with all the feeling as if he were the only person in the whole world.]

NO SURPRISES [thom dedicated this song to the head of the WTO, whom he says is in for it big time. BIG TIME.]

DOLLARS AND CENTS [i love this song and was grooving the whole time, my eyes on the red and orange clouds against the purple sky]

KNIVES OUT [this song just kills me. i've had it on mp3 for a long time before amnesiac came out, so it was nice to hear it live again, but in a different setting. now i just wish that those website people would get off their asses and work out the lyrics!]

PERMANENT DAYLIGHT [this was the big surprise of the evening. totally made up for the fact that they didn't play "blow out". (did i say longshot on that one? how about "there's more chance that you will meet and marry martin donovan". k, thanks, bye.) the sweetest thing about them playing this is that maybe 25 other people knew the song. dear people at the shoreline theatre last night: YOU ARE ASSHOLES. love, jessica.]

KARMA POLICE [as far as radiohead show staples are concerned, this is the new "creep". i never got into this song really, but this was the only song where everyone sang. again, shoreline audience members, you are assholes.]

PYRAMID SONG [this song. this song. i just buried my face in my hands during this song.]

PARANOID ANDROID [this song NEVER disappoints live. i have seen radiohead 3 times now and everytime by the end of this song if i am not a puddle of sweat on the ground already, i am swimming from dancing to this. and the mid bit, the "from a great height" always makes me shiver]

IDIOTEQUE [this is easily my favorite song off kid a. i danced so hard, with my eyes clenched so tight, singing so loud. my throat is fucked. and even though it killed me, i couldn't get that fuck out of my head. and all i could think about when he came to the back of my eyes was "i hope you cried. i hope you cried and clenched your fists so tight your palms bled. because it'll serve you fucking right".]

EVERYTHING IN ITS RIGHT PLACE [this was a much more rock and roll version compared to the album. this was an amazing way to end the set. i was so dizzy at this point, i just sat in my seat and watched the sky]

encore one:

I COULD BE WRONG [this song fucking grooves. jon and i were exhausted and moving and it still wasn't enough.]

FAKE PLASTIC TREES [i held jon's hand and we howled while we sang, "if i could be who you wanted...all the time" we were both in watery eyes. it was like both other times we saw it. i love my brother more than anything in the whole world.]

THE THIEF [this is a can cover, and the first time i heard it. it sounded like they really enjoyed playing it. jon and i just kinda sat and smoked, recollecting ourselves]

HOW TO DISAPPEAR COMPLETELY AND NEVER BE FOUND [when this song started to play, it was my turn to grab my brother to keep from falling to my knees. this song has so much in it for me. jon and i saw them play it for the first time april 1st, 1998, at the LA show. it was bootlegged and is all over the net, it's the one where he starts out by saying "this one is for the benefit of the bootleggers". as soon as he said the name of the song that first time jon and i grabbed each other (this holding eachother throughout the show thing happens at all rh shows we attend) and just let it wash over us. last night, we collapsed against each other and i spent the whole time with my face in his neck]

encore two:

we weren't expecting anything after how to disappear, but we clapped and howled all the same. and to our happy surprise, they came out again:

TALK SHOW HOST [a bends b-side? are you fucking kidding me? i was surprise how little people cheered when they started playing this. this song is a killer. for me anyway]

THE BENDS [this was the second great surprise of the night. thom dedicated it to everyone trying to be in a band. i just danced and sang my ass off.]

encore three:

as if that wasn't enough, the boys came out for a final song:

MOTION PICTURE SOUNDTRACK ["i will see you in the next life". gorgeous. it was so soft and quiet, and a perfect way to end the show]

so, that was it. we then spent 2 hours getting home, a good half hour of which was in the parking lot trying to get out. and then we drove up through san francisco, knowing that the 101 would get us home, even if it wasn't the fastest way. the water and the moon were beautiful and the whole thing just made me feel so grateful, my legs and feet and throat worked beyond reasonable and my brother drifting in the seat next to me.

i fell asleep listening to pyramid song, and now i have found myself back immersed in my radiohead obsession.

and it feels so fucking good.