i woke up and ambled around.

and then somehow found myself in a panic attack that has lastest for a good 7 hours now.

i feel defeated and scared, despite all the well wishes even strangers are giving me.

i've made a terrible mistake.

i can't relax.

i can't sleep.

i am in the midst of overwhelming sadness.

i am alone and just want tomorrow to come so i can go to work and forget about things for 8 hours.

things must get better, i have been telling myself this for weeks.

but they have not. they have gotten decidedly worse.

i don't know how to fix this, and i don't know how to accept this.

i am terrified to know what happens next.

i find myself paralyzed by the noises upstairs.

i feel unsafe and trapped.

it's only 8 hours until morning comes. i will sit and wait. and i will go to work early and sit in my cube, working because i don't know what else to do.