i need this badly since FOUR people have given me the finger in the last 3 days.

crap dood, i take a weekend off and people toss me away like so much adult theatre kleenex.

i'm SORRY ok? i was too DRUNK to write. or too BORING. or too ON THE PHONE.

four people. jesus. i haven't had a drop off like that since i wrote that thingie about abortion that got everyone's panties in a twist/was mostly misunderstood.

go me.

oh, and another thing, since we all have to do it at some point, "it" being call a customer service line whether it's for a credit card, or a phone line, or for a real doll who got its eye dislocated during last nights brutal beer-bottle-skull-fuck, let me give you some insight into what the person with the headset is thinking while you go off about what a horrible experience it has been for you to deal with her/his company:

s/he doesn't care. most likely, as a customer service rep, they have already offered you the appeasement that their little power allows them.

TOTALLY TRUE: if you bitch more, you might get your way. in fact, you will get your way, and we will not care. we will be happy for you that your bitchfest garnered you, an adult who most likely acted like a child, a reward for said behavior.

GOOD FOR YOU.

but please, let me save you some time: if you feel the hair in your asshole twisting to the extent that you are really going to say that incredibly rude thing to the customer service rep who had the glorious luck of having your call be rolled into their queue,

ask. for. their. supervisor.

guaranteed, a tight lipped "ok. can i talk to your supervisor?" will be met with a cheery and relieved "SURE THING! LET ME GET THEM FOR YOU! HAVE A GREAT DAY!!"

get out of their hair, leave them alone, move along, nothing to see here folks. their supervisor? totally paid to listen to you whine about how you didn't read your contract/hate dealing with insurance/didn't read the return policy that was in huge red letters that even blind people can read above the head of the cashier. it is their job to listen and appease, and/or tell you to fuck off as their power allows.

the customer service grunt however? no such power, no such "fuck off".

and know this: bitching them out? it'll only make your case harder to argue when you get their supervisor. they will explain in great detail each sigh, each curse word, each grumble that you think they can't hear.

so chill. be nice to your customer service rep. most likely, they will help you in anyway they can, or get you to someone who can if they realize your problem is outside their power to fix. this is their job and in my experience even the bad ones will get you to someone who will be more helpful if they know they couldn't be assed to deal with you.

say please, thank you, don't hang up without saying goodbye. if you made a mistake/paid late/etc, please don't have a spaz attack--if there's something that can be done, it will be done. you don't like the person you are talking to? just ask for their supervisor; chances are they don't like talking to you either and will gladly pass you along.

but most importantly, don't believe for a second that you, caller 34 of 80-90 a day, will make any impression on them if you are a freak of bad attitude. if you are kind, i have, in the past, offered myself as a point person in the company and bent over backwards to help the customer.

and we always remember the nice ones.