2004-11-15 & 02:12 : -

today was the roughest day i have had in a really long time.

it was an act of bravery to leave the house, i cried for most of the day when i was alone. i almost started crying while talking to a customer on the phone. not because she was being mean to me, but because she was being nice.

every act of kindness i came into contact with today was met with profuse thanks, and watery eyes.

i couldn't speak, i couldn't smile, i wanted to just lay down and let people walk over and around me.

i felt like peeling my skin off, i felt like tearing apart what was inside, i felt like destroying all of it.

i haven't had a good dream in a long time, i wake up hanging half-way off my bed, i am having problems focusing.

i'm waiting for things to right themselves again.

everytime i break apart i come back together with invisible sutures and secret splints and braces. everytime i have more seams and scars marking paths deeper inside, reminding me of the well.