ok first of all?

i fell asleep at like 530 this morning, because i'm a total douche bag. ok, so it's not because i'm a d-bag, en totale, but partially because i am.

because i actually got into bed like a 330? but i couldn't fall asleep because i forgot to take a sleeping aid? and then? i couldn't sesh for some reason? so many frustrating false starts.

you thought i was going to talk in question marks all day like a 15 yr old girl, didn't you?

I MIGHT.

anyway, like a thousand frustrating false starts, like lots of things in life, so i gave up and then decided to look for new ringtones for my phone, and that, muh frenz, is the douche part.

like, my phone, which is pretty awesome, finally got the capability to have true tones, which i was like, "FUCKING AWESOME, TRUE TONES GO!" but then i started looking at the true tones and it totally harshed my game.

you guys, maroon 5. MAROON 5? who the hell is maroon 5? oh yeah, that band that sounds like every other band and people who watch VH1 for the videos and NOT the countdown shows/i<3the90s/watching mini-me get drunk and ride his mini-car naked until he crashes into a wall and then pees in the corner on the surreal life(which i didn't actually see but only read about but am so glad i didn't see because i would still be screaming right now and would, in fact, scream for therestofmylife) are really into them, that band, my supervisor loves them so like 167 times a day i get to hear the same shitty refrain over and over and over again
and
OH MY GOD IT WAS PLAYING WHILE I WAS IN BED AT 430 IN THE MORNING and i wanted to die.

and YOU GUYS! i got literally FIRED UP when i saw they had the ignition remix by r kelly, but oh my god, i died inside a little when i heard what part of the song it was.

or should i say, WAS NOT: it didn't have the "doot doot, beep beep" part.

i'm sorry, WHAT?

i mean, ok, it did have the "sippin' on coke & rum, i'm like 'so what, i'm drunk'" part, but you guys, what the hell better part of the song, FOR A FUCKING RINGTONE, is there besides the "doot doot beep beep" part????

doot doot beep beep motherfucker!!!!

GOD!

so i got really pissed, i like located my anger again, in bed, and cursed out loud.

it was awesome.

oh! the best part??? it is a true statement to say that i was wearing my underwater space alien gieger mask of life while all this was going down--including the false started seshes.

you guys, i totally thought about that last night, the fact that i have been wearing the mask while i have been getting fresh with myself because like, there's this thing called a "smart card" that's in the machine that tracks my breathing and stuff for my sleep doctor and i wonder if he's going to be like, in the sleep lab going,

"whoah, you guys, check it out, this girl GETS DOWN WITH HER MASK ON" and then he'll tell everyone in the office and maybe they'll look at me weird?

i don't know, i don't think i really care, although i would get kinda freaked out if like, someone mentioned it.

oh! like that time when i went to go pick up my new glasses a week or two ago and my eye doctor, who i totally had a "dood, when i'm like 60 i hope my husband looks like this dood" crush on walked past me with a colleague and was totally like

"holy crap, your eye looks hella better! that guy must have known what he was doing!" (HA HA DOCTOR, YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF! YOU TOTALLY PLAY GOLF DON'T YOU?)

and i was like "word totally, he ripped shit up when he cut into my eye and let the alien out"

and then we did daps and he walked off with his fren.

BUT I TOTALLY HEARD HIM DESCRIBING HOW INSANE THE ALIEN IN MY EYELID WAS WHEN HE WAS WALKING AWAY.

and i don't know you guys, i totally felt proud.

wouldn't be hot if like, i randomly saw my sleep doctor with a colleague and like, after a friendly exchange he walked off and i heard him describe to his fren how i like to get into a hot friendly exchange with myself nightly, with my mask on?????

oh god you guys, i kind of hope that happens one day for real.

ok lastly? i went to get eggs bene again today because i totally was not satisfied with my experience yesterday and it was a totally rad experience this time, and they gave me extra strawberries.

ok, i'm going to do some stretches and see if i can get some more sleep before work because if not i am not going to be able to handle my supervisor or her maroon 5.

GOD.