some i expected, some i did not.

there's only one person to whom i have apologized; the apology was honest, genuine, and deeply felt, and i am pretty sure she took it as such. it started what i think is a valuable dialogue, and for that, i am glad.

to the rest, i would like to clarify something that some people seem to have missed on the first go-round:

rather than being a discussion of abortion specifically, what i posted yesterday was a question to a friend about the (possible) inconsistency of her politics of being pro-animal rights and at the same time being pro-choice/abortion. i was trying to point out that some of the arguments used to defend the position of those who claim we shouldn't kill animals to eat them or use them to get animal products could be used to claim that we shouldn't abort unborn humans.

i took phrases and reasons that she had used in the past regarding animal rights and tried to apply them to unborn humans.

i think this is worthwhile. i always think it is worthwhile to challenge your positions, and if need be, adjust them. as i said in my post, intellectual honesty is one of the few goals i hold in my life and towards which i strive. i think the inquiry itself was important because this is something i worry has somehow slipped under the 'leftist' (to use a completely lame and wholly inadequate blanket term for something i don't have a better lame term for) radar so to speak.

i am honestly and deeply concerned about the (possible) rights of unborn humans; even if it means i have to come to conclusions i don't want to come to. even if i have to look at someone i love and think that they made a bad decision, and it is possible i will have to do that with some of the people in my life i love the very most. even if i am forced, in the future, to do something that would be horrendously hurtful to myself and may drive me crazy; something that i don't know that i am strong enough to do, but hope that i am. and i hope that part of that strength will have come from carefully and respectfully thinking about the issue before i was in a position that might make that kind of consideration impossible.

if i am going to be honest about that which i hold important, i believe it is imperative that i hold myself to this kind of rigorous reflection in all areas, moral and otherwise. i take this inquiry seriously because i believe that i am morally required to do so; justice and compassion demand it.

at least, i think they do. that is, if they exist. i'm not sure. i am working on it, to be completely honest.

but this is what i strive for. and i often fall short. my post was a way to encourage others to do the same. i take moral questions, and all philosophical questions, extremely seriously. philosophy, wondering about the world and its contents and how everything fits together, is, in the grand scheme of things, my life's work (even if i don't make my living at it). it may not make me money, it certainly won't make me popular, and i often question whether it will make me happy. be that as it may, it is still my work, my passion, and will be until i die.

so please do not think that what i was doing yesterday was some small exercise for the sake of...i don't know what, mental masturbation?, and i was not trying to reduce what is obviously a very real and very painful experience to many women to merely an intellectual exercise.

while some may find philosophy mental masturbation, i think that such "masturbation" is necessary to come to the truth of issues, if there is truth to come to. i don't think it's sufficient to feel emotional about an issue if there is no thought behind it. i don't know what it would be to say that you understand and have compassion for the nitty gritty of human experience without having thought deeply and respectfully about the issues that human experience present. certainly one cannot control one's emotional response to a situation, but i think the force of one's position is considerably strengthened if one not only feels passionately about it, but thinks passionately about it as well.

abortion is obviously a wildly controversial topic. it is a topic that hits so many deeply personal issues, particularly for women, that i will not pretend that an email or a diary entry written in 20 minutes can address many of the key points to this problem. i knew before i posted what i did that some people would have problems with it. certainly, that was obvious at the beginning of my post.

but i stand by my position, such as it is. if you notice, much of what i say is tentative and not very strong, (and by strong i mean they are not terribly controversial) such as abortion discussions go. this is not because i don't believe what i say, but because i recognize how insanely complicated the issue is.

to put it as a friend did: "you were fucked from the get go, there is no easy way to answer these questions."

perhaps this is an underlying property that is common to all issues that are commonly thought to be moral problems.

probably, or else they wouldn't be controversial.

either way, i knew i wouldn't be able to fully flesh out my thoughts sneaking off an email in my cubicle. as i mentioned in yesterday's post, if you take issue with something i have said about the topic (i.e. the possible inconsistency) or to things related to, but not directly argued in my post (i.e. abortion), i would be more than glad to enter into a dialogue with you.

much to my chagrin, i have yet to hear a really good argument against mine, such that i would change my position. the closest i have heard is the claim that the idea of rights, any rights, is a bunch of emotivist hogwash (this, too, was mentioned by the friend quoted above). to be fair, i have often considered this conclusion, but something in me is fighting it.

it may just be emotional attachment to the idea that human beings (and possibly other beings) have worth such that things like equality and compassion and justice and friendship and all the other aristotelian (read: Of or relating to Aristotle or to his philosophy. thank you dictionary.com. kisses.) virtues actually mean something.

but this is another question entirely.