what can i say?

everything's smoothed out and i feel happy again.

i think, finally, i can consider this a new era in my life.

i am happy, generally. what the shit? i thought forever and ever i would be unhappy and empty and craptastic and that would be my life.

and true, since my foray into happiness, i have been writing shit-tay, but i'll work that out, promise.

there has to be a way to write beautiful things and not feel like you're living down in the well.

right?

i don't know. michael used to say he was afraid to get happy/get help with his craziness/sadness because he thought it would pull all the creativity out of him. and i didn't understand it until now.

but i'll take smiling through my day over writing a brilliant novel anyday, i tell you what.

i don't know. i have hope. i believe i can work it out. there are beautiful things inside me, and my capacity for darkness is still unbelievably deep and frightening. i'll maybe never exorcise my demons.

but right now, i am sitting in my new, nearly empty apartment, and i am eating black currant pastilles, and i am listening to 3 ft high and rising, and i am just kind of smiling and wishing i had someone to cover in kisses kisses kisses!

because this kind of happiness needs to be shared.

with tongue.

ps--as always, big ups to nick barat for excellent blogging and saving me the effort of finding the ever-so-dope links he always provides. he's found a permanent position in my "dailies" folder of my favorites, and like, only 4 other sites can claim that--and one of those is gpc, so you know what i'm sayin' here.

if i could, i'd give that nj boy big wet lickery kisses.