i am here alone.

i still haven't cleaned my desk.

i guess i'll do that tomorrow morning. it shouldn't take that long.

please, god, let me not act like this about my stuff and packing. i will be up all night next friday getting everything together.

i will have to make signs and hang them up around the house to remind me to be an adult.

"PACK BEFORE FRIDAY. CLEAN BEFORE FRIDAY. STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE."

friendly reminders like that.

the Co-Worker has taught me the internet golf game. it's pretty fun, if not maddening. he came into my cube to give me pointers before he went to go blow it out lifting weights.

in other news, i keep having random inappropriate thoughts and really wanting to discuss them with people, like, you know, get feedback. assess how jacked up i am, if at all.

people have the weirdest kinks and act like it's nothing at all. even if i am not interested in them sexually, i find kinks fascinating.

i seriously considered going into sexology or human sexuality or whatever you want to call it when i was in my human sexuality class at school. that class was totally awesome. this one day, we all anonymously wrote down answers to questions and the teacher read them out loud in class.

one of the questions was "what turns you on?" and i'll never forget it, someone had written down the most detailed description of an indian man. but not any kind of indian man, a british indian man. what he smelled like, what he sounded like, what he felt like in her/his hand.

this is what the person put down as a general preference.

this person seriously gets their rocks off for british indian men. it was as if s/he had fetishized the whole culture. but it wasn't like s/he was objectifying the members, it was this real reverent and honest sounding thing. it wasn't sleazy or offensive at all. it was beautiful.

i think that is awesome.

myself, i think i put something about dark eyes and full lips, wrists and large strong looking hands, but that's not important.

how an indian man smells. it was the most intense description of longing i had heard in a long time.

and though i don't share the fetish (though i certainly have seen some indian men who have turned my head), i envy that person the tactile and overwhelming way in which they experience their desire.

it sounded like they were in love.