2005-02-04 & 04:12 : and who you thought i was

the desire for connection is just so strong at 4am

and i don't even know where to start

there are so many holes in my seams, there are so many secret places that are just so dark, deep ocean places

and there so many words that are stuck inside my skin that i don't know how to bleed out, but they are itching hot red right below the surface

i whisper, and sometimes i am heard

i whisper, but most times what i am saying gets swallowed up by my breath, barely making it past my lips

and this isn't even fear anymore, but desparate numbness

i can only claw at my walls so long before the exhaustion sets in, too deep to swim through anymore