everybody wants to be able to look in the mirror and not feel their chest cave in.

everybody wants to be able to approach people with their hands empty, open, with palms up.

well, i don't believe in heroes anymore. it's hard enough to look people in the eye and mean it. you don't have to save anyone, except for maybe yourself.

the mirror, i don't know about that one, i am trying real hard myself. i think it's something to do with how well you are doing at saving yourself, or maybe just how strong your hand shake is.

maybe it's to do with not trying to save yourself anymore and just kind of being able to keep your back straight and your gaze steady regardless of how fucked you've been in the past, determined to keep yourself out of the gutter from that moment on.

maybe it has to do with wanting to stand up and be a human being.

i don't know.

but my palms are empty and open, and i offer them up all the time.

sometimes, though, people don't see them through everything else.

just like for the longest time i couldn't see trains in clouds, or tea cups in trees.

i don't know. i just know that it's fucking hard and everyone knows that, and everyone's fucked, and that's just how it is.

just about the only thing that really breaks my heart is seeing someone not try.

or someone who just feels too defeated to try.

standing up is just so damned hard, i understand wanting to lay it all down, forever. but i just can't.

because what else can anyone do? this is it--giving up doesn't affect anyone but you, not in the end at least.

i don't even know where i'm going with this.

there's nothing to say about it, really, other than:

it's hard. and fucked. and there's really no choice about it.