thank you, i know that when my eyes get wet and glossy like that they shine.

this morning, i straightened out a lot of mess that was driving me insane yesterday.

and i talked to a friend last night about a new plan, a way, (maybe?), to be happy.

certainly it will take time because i am strapped for cash and (probably) locked into a lease.

but having a plan feels good, and talking to friends feels good and not feeling totally trapped and alone feels good.

also, any day that i go to the car and it has not been broken into or stolen is a day to rejoice.

i fucking hate this town. today.

who knows how i will feel tomorrow.

in other news, due to the many break-ins this awesome town has given me, my insurance will now be about double what it had been. that's totally fantastic, because i don't need to eat or be able to pay bills or anything.

also, today i saw my phone bill. holy jesus. thank god i was smart enough by the end of last month to get a phone card, but still. holy mothertrucking jesus.

also, the vincent gallo album, "when," is so good i am thrown through the proverbial loop. like, he's such a total psychotic, but a really interesting one, and when i listen to him speak (at least in an interview on the treatment), it makes me want to mate. now that there's all this totally awesome music surrounding him, my loins are aflame.

but at the same time repulsed.

but i still want to mate.

also, is it even legal how much like "black-eyed dog" by nick drake that hope sandoval song sounds? is it? like, shouldn't someone notify his estate?

i made pasta on saturday night and it fed me for four meals.

last night, i was so unnerved that i tried for an entire hour to think about what it would be like to be an insect. i know that sounds ridiculous and i really would never be able to conceive of that, but i needed to think of things in very natural and very simple terms. just get up out of my mess for awhile.

it didn't work very well.

but i made it to today and through today (so far).

only 13 more minutes to go and i get to go home. i should take a shower and wash my new cute shorter hair.