what the hell is wrong with me?

why can't i engage in small talk/flirting like a normal person? why does it make me feel like i am going to spontaneously combust whenever i even attempt to?

so, i'm coming back from the cafe across the street with a sandwich, a side of fruit salad and a cranberry juice. and i have on my headphones at top volume and i am pretty much in ignoremode.

and i get into one of the big plush elevators and a good looking man gets in the elevator right after me.

and i'm not worried about having to engage in any social niceties because i am wearing my big dj headphones.

i mean, big dj headphones do indicate "i do not want to talk to you, please leave me alone", right?

well, i look at the mirrored walls of the elevator and the guy is smiling at me. i blush and smile back (i always blush if people smile at me, i don't know why) and then quickly look at my shoes and the corner of the floor of the elevator.

then i look up again and he's talking to me, except all i hear is "puttin' shame in your game" by the beastie boys, so i pull away my left headphone and say

me: "i'm sorry?"

attractive gentleman with folder and many official looking documents in hand: "how are you doing today?" (bling!smile!bling!)

me: "umm...i'm ok, thanks. how are you today?" (sidewaysbrokensmile)

agwfamoldih: "busy busy busy...very busy day" (blingsmilebling)

me: (and you and you are the only ones who would be able to hear how i say this, i think) "ooooh, that's ooookay...(forehead crinkles, unsure what to say next)

ding! my floor!

agwfamoldih: (bling)"well, talk to you later" (smilebling)

me: "okbye" (crookedbrokensmilewalkasfastasreasonablewithoutlookinglikeiamrunningoutthedoor)

i feel like such an asshole.

why couldn't i have had a normal conversation with that guy?

and WHY does this sort of thing always happen when i am at my grungiest...like, feeling nasty and unkempt and just this side of "ok for the office"?

is it a pheromonal thing? am i sending out a "hey there guy, why don't you flirt with me even though i am socially inept" funk?

WHAT THE HELL IS IT??

and how can i make it stop?

i should have picked my nose or something. that probably would have shut him right up.

fuck.