this one makes me want to write something about being brave.
but i just woke up, and i'm just having my coffee, so i am not prepared for that.
maybe i'll think on it on the way to work.
maybe this desire will pass.
****update, 1014am: "this not knowing, however, is frustrating."
worse than frustrating, the not knowing is boring.
i know that's not much to write on the subject of bravery, but this morning the idea of willfully wondering about a possible thing/person rather than seeking out an actual thing/person seems, above all, terribly boring.
disappointment may be terrible, and misery hard to bear, but thankfully the mind is such that even the worst pain fades and gets wrapped in gauze to be tucked away with everything else that has gone before, even if it doesn't go away.
but willfully choosing possibility over actuality seems counter to a search to discover beauty. which is, above all, what makes this life worth the not giving up.
and it's the realness of a thing/person that often contributes most to its beauty: to think that even in this world, such a thing/person of elegance/refinement/overwhelming style, warmth, enter what makes a thing/person beautiful here, actually exists. that is the part that always takes my breath away.
