i tried to explain to my supervisor all the stress and loneliness i have been going through since moving here.

and i broke down, tears sliding down my cheeks like mini benedict arnolds on parade.

and now, back at my desk, tears have been sliding down for the last two hours on and off; the struggle to keep my voice normal while on the phone with customers is exhausting.

i felt ok when i came in today, i felt fine until i had the meeting with my team lead.

if i just don't have to talk about how miserable i am, i can hold out until i find out how miserable i have to be.

that is, if i can just keep it together until i hear from my brother, then i will be able to either rejoice or breakdown for good.

but i have been trying to keep on hold until i find out either way.

it's pretty terrible to be in a place you don't know and feel totally alone and know that you are there not for a break or a vacation, but that it's your life.

it's pretty terrible for me anyhow.

maybe it's so bad because it was so unexpected. the stress, the loneliness, the nothing.

i had a reprieve yesterday afternoon. i talked to my brother on the phone and i pet my cat and i sat next to the open window and the air was the right temperature.

but i slept terrible and now i am here and i have two hours left and i feel like i am slowly stopping my breath and i have stopped caring that people can see the tears.

i feel empty and cold.

god, that's emo. that's so "the night is grey and cold and i walk the streets alone".

all i am trying to say is, i'm in a bad way here.