brutal

staying up until one am drinking wine and smoking cigarettes and talking shit with my brother, and then sitting at my computer tipsy, not drunk, and entertaining myself with de la soul's "jenifa" and r kelly's "feelin' on yo booty (radio remix version)" on repeat and playing bones because i didn't want to get in bed because i didn't want to go to work today, but then getting into bed at like a quarter to two and then having my alarm going off at 545am and being pretty sure that i am still tipsy when i wake up because when i stood up i immediately fell backwards into bed and then stuart stepped on my face

that's pretty brutal

and then in the shower realizing that the shampoo i have been using (thine evil herbal essences) is probaby going to give me cancer of some sort because the fragrance is such tough gnarl and then stepping backwards and almost taking down the shower curtain then flinging myself forward to compensate and nearly shooting myself through the closed and steam covered window

that was brutal

having a huge fight with my bra involving me almost tying my arms in a fisherman's knot behind my back only to realize that when i put it on i put it on inside out,

that was totally brutal.

NB: incidentally, it was not this one. you'd think with the undergarment problems i would either just get it over with and buy a whole new set of bras and WhatNot or just be done with it and chop my boobies off. but to be honest with you, i'd rather spend my money on books and music (so long as everything works reasonably well. or even slightly unreasonably well) and there is NO WAY i would ever cut off my breasts. they simply provide too much pleasure to myself, and the public at large, to even consider it.

being stoked it is friday so i can wear my very favorite pair of sexy slippers but then realizing i couldn't because all my socks were either dirty or had holes in the heel or were dirty and had holes in the heel

wearing business shoes on casual friday is brutal

having a job where i even have to think about the appropriateness of my footwear is TOTALLY FUCKING BRUTAL!

the ride to work was surprisingly unbrutal in the way of traffic until i got close to the tunnel and then there was totally brutal traffic.

then being here and finishing my work within 7 minutes of sitting in my cube is brutal/unbrutal quandry, for as anyone of any worth can tell you, work is undoubtedly brutal, so not having it would make one think "unbrutal". yet, when one is working, the time at work goes faster--that is decidedly unbrutal as well. so having work to do is, by nature, brutal and not having work to do is circumstantially brutal.

therefore, i say we all stay in bed. or go out and do something fun outside like kiteflying or antique shopping or extreme walking. or find someone to do it with. or find someone to do it with outside.

all those things are, by nature, completely unbrutal.

unless mixed with sweet sweet malt liquor. in this case, brutality may ensue, but it's sure to be fun.

relatedly, tonight i am definitely going to make my Basement Dj Debut. you are all welcome to come and watch and i will spin mostly funky jamz from the 70s and maybe a few surprises.

my brother has demanded at least a half hour set, which would be brutal to do with no practice and no experience, until you think about the fact that there will be 40s and cigarettes, and music that i get to pick out, and i don't have to beat match and also that i am a genius.

so this should be fun.

i totally forgot to mention this to my friend who is coming over tonight, i totally hope he doesn't mind.

in other news, i used the word "hip" yesterday in a sentence in a completely unironic way. somewhere, an angel's lost its wings.

in still other news, yet still on the subject of brutality, i spent a good portion of my morning reading this girl's diary which contains a long saga which starts here AND IS COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY BRUTAL AND INTENSE.

well, i actually can't guarantee the level of brutality or intensity because it was like the first thing i read this morning and it was still early and i think i was still cloudy from last night when i started it, but it was so eem and addicting and i can't believe how fucked up her beginning installments were. AND I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE DID IT WITH THAT DUDE WHO IS HER BOSS! i was so stoked about that.

dear anna:

hearts!

love,

jessica

ps--i know that was, like, a real intense thing for you and your bf, but i was still totally into it when you did it with that dood. mostly because his name is angus.

ANGUS!

i just did a check on my calendar and it's exactly 12 weeks and counting until i find myself on the road across our great nation to set up camp in the middle somewhere.

i am so fucking stoked!

i hope i use the word "stoked" until the day i die.

"hi grandma, did mom tell you we got you tickets to see Revenge of the Nerds 26: Nerds in Outerspace Again (and This Time with Orangutans) tonight at the mega-mega-super-mega-plex?"

"she totally did! i'm so stoked!!"

finally, last night i had my first ever totally x-rated-porno and totally graphic sex dream about justin timberlake.

let me tell you: he has a really big dick.

totally and completely brutal.