i bought him a one liter bottle of hawaiian punch, a bag of spicy nacho doritos and two zippo lighters, because he couldn't decide:

"i'm the meanest son of a bitch in this valley"

and , my favorite

"ass, gas or grass, no one rides for free" complete with picture of slut bending over in sweet sweet "come hither and plow me, you big stud" stance.

and my brother got me (well, really, us) a bottle of wine and my zippo lighters:

"truckers have big rigs" with a picture of a mean-looking teamster, complete with sleazy smile and smoking cigarette

and my favorite

"never trust a man who doesn't drink" [no picture needed].