except for the fact that there is a war in my uterus right now. it doesn't feel very good.

i think, though, i am really glad to know that my cravings of the last couple of days (sex and various weird foods) are totally a result of hormones running wild in the streets. also, i am relieved to know that my hormones are the reason why i pulled out my old tori amos cds last night.

it made me wonder, "what will lauren do if i listen to tori amos in the house? will she kick me out? will she light my bed on fire? will she just mock me endlessly?" all these possiblities make me a little uncomfortable, but i think that maybe some compromise could probably be struck. i mean, last night was the first time i had even thought about those cds in like a year and a half.

what the hell happened to tori amos, anyway? i mean, was it the pig thing? is that what pushed her over the edge from quirkily and unsettlingly believing in arthurian legend and little magic people and nature spirits to total fucking lunatic captain insano jibberjabber girl? i mean, i like the first two tori amos albums, and even parts of the one with the pig, but like, god damn it dood. people who believe in fairies (i refuse to spell it "faeries", i'm not celtic and neither are you, fucko) are weird. what is it with these piano bitches? why are they total nutbars? tori amos, fiona apple, both totally insane.

i think 2 is a sufficient scientific sample of all female piano players to conclude that all piano bitches are crazy.

seriously.

crazy.

the first hour of work totally flies by. it's already 912am and it feels like i just sat down. that's really nice. you know what doesn't fly by? the rest of the god damn day.

i just hope that New Boss and Big Boss and the Co-Worker go somewhere today. i have like nothing to do, and i don't want the stress of them all up in my biznass while i sit here and do nothing. it's so brutal, i can't bring a book, because i can't just sit here and read, and i can't just go to sleep while i wait for a call or wait for one of them to give me something to do. so i sit and i read crap online and i am constantly watching over my shoulder to make sure i don't get caught (too much). what i need to do is do what my friend e told me and get a mirror to put up on my wall so i can see behind myself, since my back faces the opening of my cube. but e's funny. she' like, hyper rational and awesome, but also totally believes in feng shui. she says putting the mirror there will reverse the flow of power and get the energy in my cube to run the right way. or something.

i don't hold it against her, though, because the mirror idea is a good one, i hate feeling like someone can roll up on me at any time and catch me unaware. New Boss does that shit all the time. she needs a fucking bell around her neck.

here's part of the email i just wrote:

i don't think i could start a cult, i just don't like blind adoration that much. i like for people to know why they should love me and worship me. them doing it because they are malnourished and because they have nothing else to believe in and because they are at some really weird place in their life (lives) where they have no choice but to join a cult really doesn't cut it for me. i would like those that worship me to know all the other worship alternatives available to them as self-conscious beings that have the faculties of sense and understanding. i would like them to use those faculties, whether god(me)-given or a function of biology (or some crazy metaphysical mix of the two), and come to the conclusion using their full rights as thinking (and well-nourished) individuals that, "yes, jessica is the diva she appears to be."

and then worship me accordingly. which, ideally, would include them buying the things on my amazon wishlist for me for my birthday.

can you cut my hair?

what do you think of girls with shaved heads?

do you really want a girlfriend with pink hair? i remember you wrote something about that. the way you wrote about it, it sounded like you were considering buying a hummel figurine. "you know, i think i would like a girl with pink hair. i saw one today and god darn it if she wasn't cute as a button" or something like that.

like, would you date gwen stefani?