the Co-Worker is listening to the "contemporary country" station at a staggeringly loud level. staggering in that he knows that we are in cubes, not offices, and that i am in a state of nausea from it. i refuse to play a volume war with him, so in my right ear, at the moment, modest mouse is strolling along lazily. in my left ear, there is some poppy crap country hizzoe that is giving me a tick. and, every 14 seconds, the Co-Worker clears his semi-phlegmy throat.
if i had more sleep, i would probably feel better. i would be able to concentrate more on the cd i am listening to and not the now disturbing chanting of "USA! USA! USA!" via some country song no doubt recorded to benefit somehow from the state of the world today, what with the war on terrorisms and america being..well, america.
i have been meaning to do an entry on this whole patriotism thing, and how lots and lots of multi-nationals are using it to sell more, in addition to the fact that i am thisclose to shoving an american flag through my eyes just so i won't have to see them anymore. i'm tired of it, you know? even my sister, who certainly isn't thoughtless, but i forget that she can focus her attention on things other than herself, her boyfriend and her studies, went off on a long tirade about it on saturday night when we went out to dinner:
"what does it even mean to feel patriotic? what are you saying when you say 'i'm patriotic'? that you don't want you or the ones you love, or the things/places you love to be destroyed? big fucking deal, flagboy, welcome to humanhood."
it may be argued that to be patriotic is to say something more idealistic than that, or that it means you stand for a certain set of beliefs. but i doubt it, and i am not optimistic that, if pressed, 98% of those who have cloaked themselves and their businesses in the flag could give you a good, well-reasoned reason as to why they have done it.
i don't know if these things are helpful to those who are rebuilding their lives after what happened in sept. i suppose nearly anything that works, be it symbolic or otherwise, is a reasonable tool for recovery. since i was lucky in that i was not directly affected, i will not pretend i understand what it must feel like to have been.
but, as with everything else that has come about as a reaction to sept 11, the whole thing makes me sad, uneasy, suspicious of people's motives and just tired.
and now don't get whiplash as i change gears, i have a new bra and though i really like the straps because they are wide and satin-y, and i like the lace because it is not itchy, it fits kinda strange. it may just be a period of adjustment to a new style of bra, but i have been fidgeting with it all freaking day. i can't wait to get home (yeehaw, i leave in an hour) and just take the fucking thing off. like taking off my shoes/socks and glasses, the bra gets discarded as soon as i get in the door.
there are strands of hair falling down from my bun, they are falling in front of my right eye, sort of, and they are twisting around each other like a double helix.
i am starting to like my long hair a little bit.
