they said it would thunderstorm today but there has been nothing but clear skies.

the last two nights i have had horrible nightmares. disgusting nightmares, i wake up sweating and over-heated, as if i have been drinking for hours and days, and my body has given up trying to regulate its temperature.

but i haven't been drinking not for days, not for hours.

right now, i'm being hopeful, even though:

i haven't hung out with anyone in so long i have forgotten how

my apt is a mess and i have no interest in even thinking about cleaning it until this weekend

i have almost no food in the house. until i can get to the store again i will be eating left overs and pb&j sandiwches, and drinking the 6 different kinds of tea that currently are the only residents of my cupboard.

the door handle that was fixed after the last breakin? yeah, they didn't really fix it, so i have to go back to the body shop again and possibly have to rent a car again and i would be really upset and crying or something if it weren't so stupid.

i mean, i might sell my car when i get to seattle just because owning one is so retarded. i could become a kind fo eco-warrier, but really it would be that i am too lazy to deal with all the crap that goes along with owning a car that i would get rid of it rather than any kind of eco-concern that might be a motivation.

but people would be like, "whoah, dood, eco-warrier" and i'd be like, "yeah, do you have a light for my cigarette?"

i somehow pulled a muscle in my calf REALLY BAD. i somehow did this while i was WALKING. i guess i stepped weird up the curb and my calf went "WHAT THE FUCK?!?!!?" and i have been kind of limping along since. i was so incredulous at the fact that i had injured myself at the time all i could say was "oh HELL NO, i will WALK THROUGH THE PAIN".

i wasn't very successful. my right leg ended up compensating no matter how much i cursed at it, and one of the people at the people waiting to get into the bar on the first floor of my apt building said "fuck you too!" as i walked by him, telling my calf to fuck right off.

since then, i have lightened up a bit, singing a song about myself that i like to call "gimpy" which is sung to the tune of "downtown". i'd sing a few bars for you, but it's a bit blue, if you're trippin' from what i'm slippin' you.