i'm shivering inside, but you wouldn't be able to see it on my skin.

half remembering last night's dreams, their voices invading them this morning, startling me awake. pans and dishes being banged around, getting twisted in my sleep into metal building materials, moaning and warping in the hot sun.

walking barefoot over hot concrete, grabbing a faceless stranger's arm for support.

too close sun, making everything washed out white.

waking up with hands clenched, fingernails leaving half moons in my palm. feeling the tension in my jaw and neck from setting my teeth hard against each other all night. sitting up wondering when i'll get a good night's sleep.

jon's making me breakfast again, he likes to make a big production of weekend breakfast. eggs biscuits coffee juice veggie bacon veggie sausage potatoes.

he could just make me a bowl of cereal, it's just real nice to have someone take care of me, even if it's only for a half hour.

and he just came back from the corner store with his big dj headphones on, and in addition to getting two cans of kerns nectar for me ("because it's all about hooking up my girl") and some cranberry grapefruit juice for himself, he got a miniature torch.

and he asks me if i know what the secret ingredient is to the breakfast he makes. i said "the cheese?" but then he says, very serious look on his face

"no, jessica, it's love"

and then promptly drops an egg on the floor, its poor egg guts flying this way and that.

and suddenly i don't feel the weight of my restless night all over me, and we're laughing and he's so bummed because he has to clean up the egg casualty off the kitchen floor.