i just realized something that may seem very elementary to you, but is quite completely liberating to me:

no one, none of you, even the ones of you who know me quite intimately, can ever hate me as much as i have hated myself.

you simply don't know me well enough.

so what am i afraid of? that someone won't like me? that i'll be left alone?

well, i've been left alone. it sucked, but i fucking survived. i am scarred, but not mortally.

i am, at least internally, unbreakable.

so really, anybody who doesn't like it and doesn't like me?

well, they can eat shit and die.

who the fuck are they to me?

no one.

the ones that know me well, they know my grace.

so the rest of you? the ones that fancy they know me and don't like what the see? well fuck you very much.

if i didn't think i would wake jason, i would scream it at the top of my lungs.