physically and non-physically.

i am tired, achey, cranky and ashamed.

i treated a friend badly. i didn't sleep long enough. i have to clean my apt. i am still sick.

this adds up to ashamed, tired, cranky and achey.

when i get home i will have to take a nap before i clean. i hope the nap makes the difference.

if not, it's going to be a long night.

all i need is like 20 min. i would try to sleep in my car, but it's too cold for that and besides i would sleep for hours.

sometimes i wish i were someone else entirely. that i could do some sort of switch, have all my memories and personality traits and talents and flaws, everything, erased and wake up as someone entirely new.

when i am really sad, i like to imagine i don't exist at all, that i am a brain in a vat somewhere, that what i am experiencing is not real, that they are manipulations by the ones keeping the brain alive.