name: franny

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henry, when we met in "the city," I noticed right away that your skin was smooth, unblemished and very hott. God gives each of us a gift, henry, and to you he gave the gift of skin.

date: 2:43 pm - Friday,June 21, 2002"

look, see? actual proof by someone who actually met me that my skin is actually hott.

now, this is a revelation to me. normally, i didn't think of my skin as anything but, you know, the junk the covers the inside junk so all the inside junk doesn't get on the outside. and i was always thankful to my skin for performing the task of keeping inside junk inside because as we all know, whether it's snot, puke, or you're a samurai who's performed seppeku and your g.i. tract is laying before you in all it's pink pretzelled glory, if something that belongs on the inside makes an appearance outside, it's not pretty.

but among my better traits, well, i never listed it. i think this comes from being a kid that developed the early end of the spectrum of puberty. by the time i was 11 i was bleeding, wearing a real bra and my skin had gone on full-on revolt. i had a face like a minefield and ew, it just was gross.

so, i always kind of thought of my skin as gross. i never really noticed that my skin cleared up before everyone else's. and i never realy noticed until a couple of years ago that if i just let my hair grow instead of keeping it shaved all the time, i have this really great thick curly hair that not only does this awesome bouncy boingy thing when i use product on it to style and whatnot (thank you, aveda.), but it also does this completely and totally insanely cool afro if i don't. i mean, it's so very soul glow. only one man has hair that rivals mine in afro-awesomosity, a fact that he will never ever let me forget, and rightfully so.

but what i am trying to get at here is that, one thing i am so glad for is finally gaining anappreciation for the physical things about myself, something i really didn't have before. i chalk this up to old age, and thank god for it.

it just takes so much time and energy to be miserable about it all the time, and while i certainly have more to go, it's nice to appreciate somethings.

i have birthmarks. on my face. i know that no one believes me when i tell them this, and only if i very carefully trace them with my finger can they even see the faintest line of them (even my best friend says she can't see them), but they are there. and when i was young they were really dark. i hated the summertime because i would get really tan and they would get even darker. i hid my face under shirts and behind hoodies and then later behind hair that never achieved the rad bangs of tony hawk, but oh i tried, anywhere i could.

always always hiding my face.

do you ever start writing an entry and then get distracted and go look at something else for awhile and then you come back to your entry and not only have you lost all interest in writing it but also totally forgot where you were going with what you were saying anyway?

yeah, me too. also, oil of olay facial clothes: invest in some.

also, CHAMPION OF THE WORLD.

and, i can't decide whether i like the throwing muses songs with tanya donelly singing more or kristen hersh more. i mean, i think that hips and makers is better than anything that belly did, but honestly i like throwing muses with tanya donelly and kristen hersh together more than anything that either of them did alone. kinda like liking the smiths more than any morrissey album or like "mind bomb" by the the which has johnny marr on guitar. don't even get me started on electronic because i just refuse to believe that anyone who was involved with joy division or the smiths was actually in that piece of doo doo.

and oh my god, monaco. peter hook, what the fuck?

you know who never ever disappoints, though? the pixies.

for serious.