2002-04-12 & 10:50 a.m. : going away
the annoyance that i feel for New Boss has become like a dull ache that rather than be terribly painful, strangely lulls me to sleep like really loud electronic music or cramps that are so bad they make you pass out.
today, i figured out something interesting:
air miami, save for a few songs, really sucks.
now, this is interesting for one reason only: i used to REALLY like them. generally, even as my tastes progress, i still like the music that i liked years before. i mean, i can find merit in nearly anything in my collection.
and like i said, i like a couple of songs by them, but other than that, what a boring and totally worthless album! i mean, "world cup fever"?? i hope someone kicked mark robinson in the privates for that one. hard.
seriously!
the rest of my grab bag cd pile is as follows:
team dresch: personal best (listened to)
the strokes: is this it (listened to, again. it's damn catchy and you can ignore it easily)
the innocence mission: birds of my neighborhood (listening to. this album is one of my very favorites ever, and i think it's because it can make me cry, without fail, by it's end.)
air miami: me. me. me. (due to it's overwhelming crapulence, this will be replaced by...)
red stars theory: life in a bubble
morrissey: bona drag
firehose: if'n (wow, dood, what an awesome album)
pavement: slanted and enchanted
tribe called quest: low end theory
lamb: fear of fours
i like my new system of just grabbing crap and then forcing myself to listen to each album in full. it makes the day go by pretty fast that way. at the very least, maybe a little bit faster.
i love this innocence mission cd so much. i am going to make jon and jason and jamie listen to it a hundred times on the way to iowa.
i just want to watch the fields and landscape fly by my window while i whisper 'she may turn around' or 'going away' into the wind, make my hand into an airplane, and maybe let the water slide out from the corners of my eyes. i'll be with people whom i love very much.
they would understand.
sometimes, i feel like such a mess. do people ever consistently feel like they have things together? i mean, ever?
i don't know anyone like that.
it's just that there's this scene in my head, it's like this golden afternoon light and old faded clothes and quiet voices and maybe steepled fingertips. and for some reason it represents, to me, peacefulness and happiness. and it's this kind of feeling in my stomach, where things have finally slowed down and i feel a calm that i never ever feel. inside, i am almost always a nervous rush of energy and tension. there's only been one period in my life where i felt small moments of this calm sweetness. it makes me feel so lonely that this is gone now. i don't believe it's gone forever, but it's so intense to me that i don't have that calm now.
i'm pretty sure i am supposed to try to find it within myself, but i've seen the stuff in there and "calm sweetness" was not there. "frenetic spazness" was and "gratingly critical" was and so was "confused like a kitten in a clothes dryer".
but not so much "calm sweetness".
i wish i had seen my brother last night.
the annoyance that i feel for New Boss has become like a dull ache that rather than be terribly painful, strangely lulls me to sleep like really loud electronic music or cramps that are so bad they make you pass out.
today, i figured out something interesting:
air miami, save for a few songs, really sucks.
now, this is interesting for one reason only: i used to REALLY like them. generally, even as my tastes progress, i still like the music that i liked years before. i mean, i can find merit in nearly anything in my collection.
and like i said, i like a couple of songs by them, but other than that, what a boring and totally worthless album! i mean, "world cup fever"?? i hope someone kicked mark robinson in the privates for that one. hard.
seriously!
the rest of my grab bag cd pile is as follows:
team dresch: personal best (listened to)
the strokes: is this it (listened to, again. it's damn catchy and you can ignore it easily)
the innocence mission: birds of my neighborhood (listening to. this album is one of my very favorites ever, and i think it's because it can make me cry, without fail, by it's end.)
air miami: me. me. me. (due to it's overwhelming crapulence, this will be replaced by...)
red stars theory: life in a bubble
morrissey: bona drag
firehose: if'n (wow, dood, what an awesome album)
pavement: slanted and enchanted
tribe called quest: low end theory
lamb: fear of fours
i like my new system of just grabbing crap and then forcing myself to listen to each album in full. it makes the day go by pretty fast that way. at the very least, maybe a little bit faster.
i love this innocence mission cd so much. i am going to make jon and jason and jamie listen to it a hundred times on the way to iowa.
i just want to watch the fields and landscape fly by my window while i whisper 'she may turn around' or 'going away' into the wind, make my hand into an airplane, and maybe let the water slide out from the corners of my eyes. i'll be with people whom i love very much.
they would understand.
sometimes, i feel like such a mess. do people ever consistently feel like they have things together? i mean, ever?
i don't know anyone like that.
it's just that there's this scene in my head, it's like this golden afternoon light and old faded clothes and quiet voices and maybe steepled fingertips. and for some reason it represents, to me, peacefulness and happiness. and it's this kind of feeling in my stomach, where things have finally slowed down and i feel a calm that i never ever feel. inside, i am almost always a nervous rush of energy and tension. there's only been one period in my life where i felt small moments of this calm sweetness. it makes me feel so lonely that this is gone now. i don't believe it's gone forever, but it's so intense to me that i don't have that calm now.
i'm pretty sure i am supposed to try to find it within myself, but i've seen the stuff in there and "calm sweetness" was not there. "frenetic spazness" was and "gratingly critical" was and so was "confused like a kitten in a clothes dryer".
but not so much "calm sweetness".
i wish i had seen my brother last night.
