oh man, fun times today at work.

first, foremost, and most excitedly, i answered a call this morning and said "thank you for calling customer service, my name is jessica, how can i hurt you?"

i know, right? how is that for honesty in corporate america?

almost as excitingly, today there was a real live fire alarm! not a drill! like THE REAL THING.

but i don't know why it went off. i mean, the building's still here and it doesn't smell like burning, so your guess is as good as mine.

it completely ruled. we all filed out of the building in a less organized fashion than kindergarteners and i yelled a big "HA! HA HA!" because everyone complained about how cold it was while i was wrapped up in the scarf they have all been giving me shit for rocking.

well, eat a bag of dicks, snotty iowans! me and my scarf rool and you drool.

and shit.

my team leads did disco karaoke and one of them serenaded me with a scorching (ha! puns suck!) version of "disco inferno" and then the other did the ENTIRE i will survive and all the ladies hooted and hollered when the firemen pulled up and i think one of them even showed them her tits.

also, during the fire drill i got to see Hot Exec outside of his natural "behind the desk that you can fit under" environment. first of all, it was the first time i stood near him. he is much taller than i had guessed. also, someone needs to tell him not to buy those kind of pants! they are not bad looking, but they are not well taylored. he is a gentleman that needs slacks that accentuate his Hot Exec ass. like, the pants he was wearing today made his ass look kinda dumpy, but at least they made it clear that he doesn't have Woman Ass.

thank god.

he was standing with the rest of his dumpy-assed pants wearing exec friends and i kinda just gave him the raised eyebrow when i passed him. he smelled really good.

work attractions are dumb, dood. dumb dumb dumb.

and sexy!

i almost touched his dumpy-looking Hot Exec Ass, but i couldn't. that, my friends, would be sexual harrasment. man, i'd like to harrass him all night long. or at least, you know, harrass him quickly and hotly in the supply cabinet.

it's hard working for today's corporate america.

it's hard being hard and working for today's corporate america.

in other news, i talked last night to TWO long lost friends. i got to talk to ritchey (!!!!!!!!!!) and to good ol' ohj. ritchey made me feel good to my toes just from hearing her voice and ohj had me laughing more than should be legal at 4am.

i miss my friends. i am so glad to have them back, even in e form.

tonight i am going to go to the news stand and talk to my new friend and then i am going home and hanging out with my good ol' stuart and smoke vanilla cigarettes and eat god knows what because the food bank is low low low and generally be glad that i'm home and just kind of fucking around.

oh, and it's my brother's birthday today! happy birthday jon!

N-FUCKING-B!:

OH EM GEEEEE!!!

ok, new skinny: so, this dood tries to walk into Hot Exec's office and i'm watching, you know, to see who this dood is and whatnot, and so he turns around and he's like "have you seen Hot Exec?" and i was like [sly smile] "no, i haven't sorry" and he was like "ok" and i was like "yeah" and then he started walking down the hall and like, TOTALLY TURNS AROUND and goes "how you doin?" and i was like "fine thanks" but he knew i was really saying "i know you want it" and then like he blushed and left and then like every lady i work with high fived me because they thought he was so hot, but i wasn't impressed and would take Hot Exec or maybe like my favorite, Quiet Non-Descript Boy who comes around and cleans at night. i mentioned i had a mini-c on him and my team lead took it upon herself to find out all about him. apparently Quiet Non-Descript Boy (who dresses in the perfect boy outfit of black tshirt and grey slacks and non-descript black shoes. they may even be rockports. would you die? i would die.) is really quiet (which is tautological), nice, is in between his BA and going back to school for a grad degree in english, and easy to talk to once he gets over the shock of being talked to.

totally dreamy.