at the very least, i didn't stand for a few minutes with my forehead against the coolness of the wall while i got used to standing up like i usually do. no, this time i stood straight up, walked to my computer, turned off the gybe! so that i could start to wake up and put on all 2263 mp3s on random again, letting chance settle up what i was going to listen to while i got ready.

funny that the second track my player put on was gybe!, but i was in the shower already and there wasn't much i could do other than scrub, brush and all other get-clean things.

i nearly fell getting out of the shower, though. because it's a clawfoot tub, a REALLY TALL clawfoot tub (the top of it clears my mid-thigh-al area), with a shower head kinda hanging from the ceiling, and getting in and out of it every morning without falling and cracking my skull open is a delicate negotiation. i pretty much have to use the sink as leverage and get out that way. a few weeks ago i slipped and if it hadn't been for the sink and my really cute showercurtain, i would have been a big bleeding mass of dead on my floor, which is really gross and not at all how i wanted to die.

i didn't have the cliche life-before-eyes-slideshow; i did however have the following stream through my head as a prayer to all that is good and holy in this world:

pleasedon'tletmedienakedpleasedon'tletmedienakedpleasedon'tletmedienakedplease

and so on and so forth.

anyway, so, yeah, this morning i almost fell again and i am seriously considering making steps or something to make my shower-experience a little less stressful.

because, frankly, i don't need anything else like showers and WhatNot making my life more stress-filled.

today has been remarkably slow. there is the new boss, and while she hasn't really whined at me, i have heard her whine quite a few times today. much to the Co-Worker's chagrin, he now reports directly to her, so poor him. it was weird when they said that this new boss was coming, everyone but me seemed to be real skittish about it. but you know, in my role as office bitch, it really doesn't matter to me who the condescend-ation (haha! i made up a word!) comes from. it's all the same white noise. so, um, welcome lady, i can't wait to get to know you enough to give you a nickname, and then complain about you in here.

unless of course you are so bad that you rival the Co-Worker for writing time.

in which case i will be walking out of here, without a word, and you people can figure out whether or not i am coming back.

you can take my taking my stereo with me as a cue.

also, i just checked my messages and chabad of sf called my brother and the guy had the raddest voice ever. i kinda have a craving for those chabad boys. i mean, other than the earlocks and talit, they look so close to indie boys (or at least a certain type of indie boy), what with the black/navy slacks, white button-down shirts, labeless black shoes and beard. i like the kippa (or yamulke for the yiddishly-inclined), too, it's comforting, because my dad wears one of those every day. i think he only takes it off to shower and sleep.

when i used to go to arons in hollywood sometimes there would be an orthodox boy looking at the cds too, and like, most people wouldn't be able to tell because most people don't know what talit look like, but i do, and it always made me kinda dizzy, like was so into that guy for that minute and i would strain real hard to see what he was getting and one time the hot orthodox boy was buying a fugazi cd. and i swear i wished i was brave in that minute, because i had this big urge to learn an instrument and ask the indie-hardcore-orthodox-boy to be in a band with me. in that one instant i imagined him to be one hardcoring-skateboarding-really interesting indie-hardcore-orthodox-boy, and i was sure that if we just started talking it would all work out. but i didn't know any instruments and i was too shy to say hi and that was that.

anyway, yeah, so, when i listened to the message i pictured my perfect dreamy bearded indie boy.

and that made me feel a little better about today, because my perfect dreamy bearded indie boy now had a slight yid accent, and that's hot.

i changed wrists that i wear my brother's id bracelet, and it's kinda freaking me out. this is the only piece of jewelry i always always always wear, it's an id bracelet from when he was like 8 or 9. it has pee-chee folder style athletes engraved on the outside (a footballer, a baseballer and a basketballer), and his name, my parents' address, his birthdate and my parents' old work number on the inside. i usually wear it on my right wrist, in fact it hasn't been off my right wrist in so many years, i can't remember the last time. but about an hour or so ago i got this big urge to put it on my left wrist, which is naked.

so i did.

and it feels really really unnatural.

so, i am changing it back.

yeah, i think that's all i have to say right now.

oh wait--i only have an hour left!!