laying in bed feeling sad and listening to seekers who are lovers and treasure hiding on repeat.

peppermint tea hooked up to me on an iv drip.

my eyes are no longer eyes but swollen circles of pain.

my chest feels empty, hot, cavernous and heavy even though the rest of me feels decidedly two dimensional. my ribs and back are tight and sore from coughing for two days straight. my lips stay dry no matter how many times i use lipbalm.

i bury my face in my pillows and drift in and out of sleep like an empty bottle bobbing up and down on waves, sometimes above the surface, sometimes below the surface.

nothing appears to be real.

i think i will go back to work tomorrow even if i am still very ill.

i'll take a cab and plant myself in the chair and i'll talk to people all day because after two days of sick i am lonely and i need human contact, even if it's just people sitting around me.

the sky is milk-white and the snow still hasn't come. my eyes blur when i look at the interstate and when i listened to the "faith" episode of this american life, i cried.