as upset as my last few entries might have sounded, as angry and flying fists i have been

i am actually pretty happy. i am just adjusting to this new energy, which is so unfamiliar to me, but is surely a longtime coming.

i walk around with a smile on my face. i give people the right of way and wave if someone lets me by.

i put on lip gloss in the morning and collect my lip prints to sew into orange peels that i am flattening under books

i roll around on the floor with the cats and i chase them with red pen lights

i talk to my friends on the phone at night and in that i am pretty ok

jason comes back on friday and i might have a few dollars to have a little fun.

this energy, this anger, it is real. and that's important.

and when i look in the mirror now, i can see myself looking back.