for the first time, i am concerned about who might read it.

additionally, i realized that this is a metaphor for a lot of my life; i thought that i was making headway, finding my voice, being more straightforward, finding worth within myself.

but now i realize that i cannot stand up for myself, that i believe i am worth nothing, and that any voice i thought i had has been swallowed again by the fear that people won't like me.

i am miserable and i feel like i will never get better.

for the first time in a really really really long time, i feel hopeless.