i even called my brother at 2am and left a voicemail on his cell saying

"hi jon, i't jess. it's 2am. i love you, we're moving to canada"

but apparently, it's really hard to emigrate to canada.

so i have two options: create some sort of something like a book or something to sell and make a lot of money so i can just pay my way into paradise

or

i need to marry a canadian. i figure that will work just as well.

so hi canadian men and women friends. i'd like to pitch myself as a wife for a moment:

i am really friendly and caring. i don't like to clean much, but i will try really hard. apparently the women in my family are hyper-fertile, so if you want to mate i can produce a litter for you. i've had all my shots. i have friends that can cook and who enjoy doing so, so that might compensate for my lack of experience, though i do like to cook for people i care about. i have pretty great taste in music, and i will share my collection with you. i will make you collage books and leave you notes that will make you feel good. i will kiss you a lot. i have a genuine laugh. my skin is really soft. i get turned on by a good intellectual argument. i have really interesting friends who can be your friends too. ummm...hmmmm. i have a radical cat. you can have my paintings.

please, help me leave the US.

i know some people would say "don't leave, fix it".

but my response to that is "fuck that and fuck you."

you know why? i can't fix it. any change that may or may not happen, which would take a complete and totaly shift in values and perceptions on the part of the majority of the american public, and would also require that americans start thinking critically about their lives and most people hate that, would take longer than my lifetime to really occur.

and you know what? i deserve a good life now. if i do actually get married and breed, my children deserve a good life now. a better life.

and that can be had in canada i believe.

so canadians, please, help me. get me out of the US.