sure it wasn't the most frugal way to do lunch, but i really really couldn't decide and i really really wanted both, so here we go, cranberry juice down, and starting on my sweet luscious grape juice.

since thursday morning, things have been kinda going by in a blur. starting off a two-day business-people-a-thon at 345am is just not what my body was made to do. i have been half awake and half alive since then. i don't anticipate feeling normal again until this weekend, when i plan to sleep a LOT.

but it was a good weekend i guess. i mean, people were nice, and other than a FREAKY coincidence having to do with the hotel i stayed in, it was pretty ok. we all went out to dinner at Mexi-Chain Restaurant, and the lot of us tore through like 8 or 9 pitchers of margaritas. they were really weak margaritas, though, i'll tell you that. and they were blended, eugh.

and one of the girls from down south took the whole night interrogating me, but in this real nice sweet way. like, where i was from, who did i live with, did i go to school, what my family heritage was, did i like my job, etc etc etc and on and on it went.

and then, we're sitting there eating fajitas and stuff and like, she goes, "oh my god jessica, you haven't asked me a single question! here i am drilling you and you haven't asked a thing!"

and i just kind of smiled blankly because, to be honest with you, i couldn't think of a single thing i wanted to ask her that i thought was my business to ask. i mean, i could have asked her exactly the same questions she asked me, because though they were personal (in a sense), they were perfectly ok questions. but i didn't really care to ask.

thinking about it now, i think it makes me sound strange, to have no interest in someone like that. i mean, she was nice and everything, i am just in the habit of letting people unfold themselves to me rather than start digging away at them.

i am sure this has something to do with my narcissism, but it's not like when i am not asking them questions about themselves i am thinking, instead, about myself.

but i am pretty sure that's not how narcissism works anyhow.

i'm just saying, i don't really have much interest in the public at large.

most of the time, at least.

i mean, if someone is really interesting to me, i'll start in with the questions, but that's pretty rare. in person it's even more rare.

i'm just pretty shy unless i am comfortable around someone, and really, i wasn't comfortable around anyone there.

so, quiet me, fajitas and blended margaritas.

then back to the hotel where we all congregate in 2nd Boss' room to drink beer and watch tv and shoot the shit. i hadn't watched tv in so long that the commercials kind of boggled me at first, but i got back in stride in no time.

it was my pleasure ruin the Co-Worker's favorite show by pointing out the following logic: from the fact that it is the highest rated show on television it does not follow that the show is good.

this stuck under his craw something awful.

i just was saying, you know?

it made me have a flashback: "hey, is this cd good?" [customer holding up latest whitney houston cd] "um..hmm..it sells really well" "ok, cool!" "uh-huh."

i guess to some people everything is a popularity contest.

then the next day the meetings were only half day and the whole time they were shoving food in our mouths. if it wasn't the full breakfast complete with bacon, eggs, sausage, home fried potatoes, fruit and pastries, then it was the hot meal ordered from the gourmet country club menu.

sales people make too much money.

country clubs are stupid.

i got all my food for free.

whee!

then i got a ride into the sfv by the hugger, who asked me questions THE WHOLE TIME. sweet jesus i wonder why these people want to know so much about me.

[my glasses are loose and keeping sliding down. i need to get one of those little screwdriver doohicky thingies so i can tighten the parts that hook over my ears and such.]

then i had to wait outside TGIFridays for my mom to pick me up because the hugger wasn't going to drive me home or anything.

and then i saw my mom! it was so nice, i hadn't seen her for almost a year! i love my mom so much. she's such a character and she always smells good and she has really soft skin.

and visiting with my dad was real nice too.

i'm glad i went down there, it was a good visit to be my last before i move to iowa.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

this morning New Boss was mean to me, and instead of taking it all personal and being really hurt and upset i just kind of surprised myself by not caring at all. i mean, she was being a total scab, yet, i remained unruffled and calm. and she was the whole bit the crappy boss: histrionic (that one was for you, snark), rude, unreasonable, and condescending. but i just answered without the slightest bit of concern.

obviously, one of two things is happening:

either i don't care about this job at all

or

i am starting to feel more secure in my ability to do my job well, therefore if someone throws a hissy fit about it (and really it wasn't even my work she was having a hissy over) i think of it as their problem rather than my work.

how adult of me.

maybe if she didn't whine i could have taken her more seriously, too.

i would like to go home now, i'm sleepy.