i hate bush. so should you.

i hate being one of those people, though, so am going to shut up about it.

except for this: i am so glad that bill hicks, may the lord bless his soul, is not alive to see this shit. he would get so angry his head would shoot off his shoulders and start orbiting the sun.

though, honestly, i could use some new bill hicks in my life right about now.

what a truly great man he was.

i have been listening to bona drag all day.

why?

oh friends. i had so much fun last night. i had not been like that since high school. it was funny and i can't believe i am here at work today. i am being a real bitch too. i am all about boundaries today like "no, i will not type out those labels now, you are just going to add like 3 names tomorrow because you are a dumb as a jenga gamepiece and it's a big waste of my time to do it like that. let me know when you have the final list and then i will do it, you inbred." and "no, i am not going anywhere for lunch and i am certainly not going anywhere to fetch your lunch, don't even think about it. additionally, it's really tarty the way you are wearing that skirt with no stockings and might i add that your calves look creamy. i just grossed myself out by the way, but i still want to touch your breasts, but when i touch them i want to bat them around a bit like a gay man, that is, much like a cat with a ball of twine. you're gross, i hate you." though, when i said the first it came out in such a way that instead of getting sent home i got a compliment on my earth-consciousness and not being wasteful of resources and when i said the second it came out in a way that did not get me slapped but instead a kinda squinchy faced sorry-to-bother-you smile and a quick scuttle out of my cube like the cockroach she is.

the only one i have sympathy for today is the Co-Worker as he is sick, and sounds terrible, yet he still has the strength of character not to ask me to do all his work, unlike some able-bodied creamy-calved people i have the misfortune of knowing. i just grossed myself out again.

mayhaps, "creamy" is the worst way to refer to things unless it's like, um, whipped cream, or the white stuff inside a twinky or some chick's thighs like in erotic city by prince.

speaking of hot, creamy thighs, my period is back and that means my sex drive has thrown itself into ludicrous speed, that is, it's gone plaid.

my pheromones are out and about and playing with others. proof of this: around this time last year, actually no, around february of last year my heart was ripped out and stepped on and then it was smooshed, and after that ants started crawling on it til some little kid walked by and picked it up and then put it in its mouth and kinda slobbed all over it, and then, randomly, took it out of its mouth and farted on it. after that, i wasn't into ANYBODY. not for reals anyhow, not even play-for-reals, not even a crush, even though sometimes i might have sounded like i did because i naturally flirt because i have kicky hair and flashy eyes.

i cannot help this.

so, basically i was a soul-less robot, a shell of my formal self, a ruined woman, though instead of a scarlet A on my chest i had a big plexi-glass window that showed my empty insides like those totally sweet computer cases with the window that shows all the hardware and stuff which i totally wanted because the nebula king is building me a computer but i couldn't afford a $200 case so i got a pretty snazzy black one instead and i think we are going to paint it and loc it out like we're in hackers or something and oh my god someone make me stop talking.

but now, i am feeling that good ol' giggly feeling known as The Crush. even better than that, i have the downright dizzying feeling of Crushes. that's right, more than one.

that does not mean if you are one of my crushes reading this that i do not have very special crushy feelings towards you. you each have bits that make you crushy to me, and they are all different. like snowflakes.

AHAHAHA-AH-HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!

i just stopped typing this to go print out labels for Creamy Calves (i don't think that will ever stop grossing me out, yet i am compelled to say it over and over and over again), and i was standing there by the copier, and then one of my co-workers walked by and she looks so hot today, she has one of them flimsy white shirts on and black tight slacks and her ass is SO HOT and i want to touch every single one of the freckles on her chest.

HOLY CRAP I AM LIKE A 15 YR OLD BOY TODAY! IT FUCKING ROOOCCCCCKKKKKKKKSSSSSSSSS!!!!

i'm pretty sure that if i had a penis i would have gotten a boner staring at her ass.

'boner' is such a great word.

dood, my hormones are so out of control that you could say i was like a bitch in heat, and rather than get mad or pissy or slap you over it, i would probably get turned on.

and then i would slap you. or beg you to slap me.

aye papi, get me out of this cube and into bed. or the back of a car. or underneath some bleachers. or in a bar bathroom stall. or wherever.

how did i get here from wars and bombs and planes not smashing into buildings?

sex and violence.