do you people NOT CARE?

tonight, pour some of your halloween drink for your dead homie.

damn.

speaking of halloween, guess what today is? that's right! it's Bring in Weird Midwestern Food Stuff and Dress up and Freak Out Your Co-Worker Day!

today, i have seen strange meatballs (few things are better than having a gay boy lasciviously whisper in your ear "mmmm, meatballs!"), goulash, "brain spaghetti", dirt cake, mashed potatoes, "raccoon roadkill", about 654678645648+4545654 kinds of chips.

there was also awesome punch that totally reminded me of my jewish summer camp, where each friday we would have shabbat services with grape flavored kool-aid and egg bread.

traditionnnnnnn, tradition--TRADITION!

also, my team leads dressed up as richard simmons and his sweating to the oldies ladies, another lady dressed up as a princess, someone else a race-car driver and still another one as a girl from california who is freezing her ass off in the midwest fall!

one of these kids is doin' her own thing, come on can you tell me which one?

that's two songs in the space of four paragraphs.

holy shitballs.

richard simmons came over to my desk today and sat down and said he was really really sad that i was moving and said that i should reconsider and that everyone would make iowa a nice, fun home for me.

isn't that nice?

it's a couple hours later now and i am feeling a considerable asldkfj;asdl due to sugar levels approaching the square root of pi times the surface temperature of the sun.

um, someone put beans in the spaghettie stuff.

and tonight, i'm suppose to get a bottle of wine and call vika who lives in seattle. BECAUSE I AM CHARMING WHEN DRUNK. or something.

and anna is supposed to call, and we are supposed to talk also. about life and things.

and because she asked in her entry, this is what i think:

this life is all we have and it is unbelievable suffering. people are callous and scared and many times almost completely self-unaware. they are selfish and brutal and cruel and most will jump for joy at the fall of another, if only the right other.

when we die, there is no afterlife, and there is no soul.

there is no transcendental worth to anything.

so what the fuck can we do?

we can try and make the best of it, because what the hell else is there to do? we can look for beautiful things and beautiful people, be as kind to each other as we can manage, cry really hard when it hurts and laugh really hard when it's funny. have big exploding orgasms when we can manage it and soft feather light kisses when we're lucky. feel paint in between our fingers and all over canvas, grass under our feet, ice on our lips and whiskey burn our throats and make our cheeks red.

we can miss the ones who make us whole and yearn for those that don't exist and be crazy and be boring and sleep late or wake up early enough to meet the sun.

it really doesn't fucking matter.

not to anyone but us, anyhow.

so anna, smoke that joint, sing that showtune, dance with that man with the soft voice and the shy eyes.

because what the hell else are you going to do? you've got all this damned time, and all this damned talent, and there are things all around you to taste, just for the experience of it.

and fucking fuck anyone that is not down for you or that.

so tonight, even though everyone i love is 2000 miles away in all directions, i am going to walk in the cold cold air, and i am going to smile at the little kids trick or treating, and i am going to put my music really loud, and i am going to drink wine until my cheeks are warm and i am going to smoke cigarettes until my chest hurts, and i will laugh on the phone with anna, or try to impress vika.

and i am going to pour some wine for my dead homie, jam master j.

because this is halloween 2 aught 2, and what the hell else do i want to do?