i stayed up all night reading, listening to music and the sounds of this new city outside the living room window. i watched people walk up the street, gesturing excitedly as they talked.
the light in the house across the way has been on all night and i keep looking to see if i can find someone there.
i have two insect bites on my left arm and i have scratched them out of the skin. a big mess i've made, i have.
i've been listening to the same songs all night and they are wrapping themselves around me like fine cotton threads.
part of me feels as if i am alone like this, with friends but no attachments, i will be happy and content, able to build a whole life around myself.
the other part of me feels as if i remain alone like this, like i have been for so long, i will die.
i don't even know what that means, to feel that kind of longing. how could i possibly lay myself bare like that?
for who?
for no one.
for no one? ever?
i don't know.
i am going to sleep all day tomorrow. and i will dream and dream and dream.
there will commerce and heartbreak and first dates on the sidewalks below me as i sleep.
they will all pass me by, but the scent of them will remain behind.
