why? why is every god damned thing i try/do so fucking hard?

why do i always have to suffer through everything i do?

how am i not supposed to take this personally?

i mean, bless you and thank you if you have ever said a kind thing to me or about me.

but

why does all other evidence in my life point in the other direction: that there is something fundamentally wrong, ugly, unlikeable, unloveable, unthinkable, unhireable, intolerable about me?

what did i do to have to deal with this?

you know what i did?

nothing.

i didn't do anything to "deserve" anything either way. things just don't work like that.

i am just hoping for some grace. please. someone, something, please.

i just need something to go right.

i just can't take much more.

i know i am strong.

i just don't want to have to be for a moment or two.