i don't know a single fucking thing.

that is so awesome.

questions of cosmology kind of make you dizzy, you know? like, without the equations or deep physics knowledge i feel like tom hulce talking to donald sutherland in animal house, all busted up on pot in the bathroom, talking by candlelight with a towel at the bottom of the door.

"so what your saying is, our entire universe could be an atom in the thumbnail of a huge giant"

"right"

"that means, in a single atom in my thumbnail..."

"there may be a tiny...little...universe"

"can i buy some pot from you?"

cosmology! amazing!

would you rather be:

"hi, i'm super worried about my rent and whether my ass is too big for these pants i bought last week and does he/she like me like me or just like me?"

or

"hi, i am super worried about the universe, its constituents, what is it shaped like, when time began, how we all got here, what's up with quasars and how did this all get started anyhow?"

hmmm.

i don't know. maybe it doesn't matter? i mean, obviously it matters. but, it obviously doesn't matter insofar as however it started, whatever it's made of, whatever's up with quasars, we're all here now. and from that fact has blown up like forty bagillion other problems like asses too big for pants, whether or not he/she likes you likes you or just likes you, israel (blowjobs! blowjobs!) and why the fuck does my cute blue flower bobby pin keep falling out?

this life, the whole of it, including the cosmology and the everything else. it's just too big.

so i think about things selectively.

as does everyone else, i assume.

today, i am thinking about how much i would really like a fresh pitcher of lemonade sitting on my desk, right now. you know the kind, in the pretty glass pitcher, with condensation all over the outside, and maybe some lemon slices just floating there amongst the ice.

that sounds dreamy.

last night i finished a painting that literally looks as if a baby puked all over it. i have named it 'babyfood'. i am giving it to my good friend dee.

i love dee.

i hate this painting.

that is too bad, but it is the truth.

BUT!

i also started a painting that i like a lot. so, you know, everything evens out.

sorry dee.

things that rule:

-my new dvd/cdrw combo drive. 5 minutes to cd mixes. FIVE MINUTES. it takes like 6 times that time to decide what to put on it. CHRIST!

-my hair today. it smells so freaking good. it looks totally fucking radical, even if that bobbypin keeps eating a dick. even 3rd boss was like "hey, i don't tell you this enough, but i really like your hair". and the way she said it was so cute and shy and like, she couldn't look me in the eye when she said it neither. RAD DOGS!

-my shoes, which you can see here:

sweet right?

they are totally the ugliest shoes ever. so ugly, i HAD TO HAVE THEM.

also, they make me bounce when i walk, so i have been boing boinging my way down the street and through the halls and in my cube and whatnot.

radical.

-I HAVE ALREADY GOTTEN MY TICKETS FOR SPIDERMAN. i am so pumped about this. i want to rub tobey mcguire all over my body so badly. like a lover's tshirt.

-bjork

-even though i will not get the fattest final pay ever, i have budgeted ok (i know, AMAZING), and will be fine when i get to good ol' iowa.

-the fact that there are restrooms at work. i have to pee so fucking badly.