the thing i like about myself is that i can already imagine what it would be like to leave. i can imagine a porch where it's dry and dusty, like in modesto or some shithole like that. maybe i could just drive back to red desert, wyoming and hang out with The Most Surly Old Man I Have Ever Met.
but either way, i can feel the brightness of the sun and i can see the farness of the horizon and more than that, i can feel the real alone.
of course, what i don't bother with is the finding a job and the loneliness of beign totally alone and the fact that the only thing in red desert, wyoming is that gas station with the pumps that don't work and the Nastiest Bathroom I Have Ever Seen.
because none of that matters, of course. i just want the porch and the far away horizon. and to be married to grant lee philips. that way, he could play guitar and sing to me while we sit on that porch.
ahhhh, that sounds so nice right now.
i feel hundreds times better than when i woke up yesterday, though. or even any day for the last few days. i think i have been sleeping too much. i should set my alarm clock everyday, even if i have nothing planned.
