and i have started bleeding, so the mystery of my ever-changing moods has been hormonally solved.

thank you hormones!

i mean, i should have figured it out myself: rampant mood swings. hyper-intense dreams. insane appetite for all things sensory.

blwing things out of proportion. feeling sorry for myself. panic attacks.

mix a big life change with the crimson tide and that spells nothing but trouble. or at least interesting times.

but i haven't had any cramps, so i didn't even consider it. and i'm so wicked irregular that who can know when i will sprout red wings?

so i was thinking last night where i was a year ago today and it was no good. i was all messed up and confused and trapped feeling.

this is pissing me off.

i can keep having this fucked up life over and over and over again.

maybe things will turn around.

maybe i'm just messed up and confused and trapped feeling forever.

WHO CAN SAY?

meanwhile, my team lead is doing the robot and the other is lipsynching to "wanna be starting somethin'" by mj, it was food day today (of course, everyday is food day in iowa) and i am wearing a tiara.

we toasted today with apple cider and poppers (those things where you pull the string and little bits of paper fly out, not the drug. duh! i wish!)

i have made only one resolution this year: i would like to be in the same place long enough that i celebrate new years 2x in a row in the same city.

or at least two birthdays.

how about two birthdays. i don't want to lock myself into two years in seattle if i don't like it.

but i can rock a year and a few months.

dood, fuck resolutions.

tonight i will pick something up on the way home, a few packs of cigarettes, some packing tape, etc.