and now, my brother is beginning to worry that the money may not come through, so i may not be moving anywhere at all.

i have to re-adjust to thinking this is a real possibility--that i'll have to stay in iowa until at least this time next year--again. for awhile, i was as good as gone.

i cannot worry about this as i have no control over it.

i hope i get to leave though. today's trip to the store with cassie notwithstanding, i'm so lonely.

i'm sick of listening to my friends over the phone or via this box.

i haven't touched a person in months.

a person hasn't touched me in longer.

and soon winter is going to come.

please please please, let this all work out.