you know how i have periodically had bouts of spiritual questioning, and have even hinted that this is a torturous experience for me?

remember that?

well THANK GOD for this because it's all figured out now.

apparently, i am a mostly something called unitarian universalist with it aligning with 100% of my beliefs, and right under that i am a liberal quaker with a whopping 95% and right under that, a secular humanist with 92%.

apparently, i am only 71% reform jewish. sorry pop.

so i am reading the blurbs on this unitarianwhatsit and basically i think they pegged me as it because i am ambivalent as to the existence of god (apparently, this is a biggie with atheists, as is secular humanism) and mainly for this bit:

"The Unitarian Universalist Association�s stance is to protect the personal right to choose abortion. Other contemporary views include working for equality for homosexuals, gender equality, a secular approach to divorce and remarriage, working to end poverty, promoting peace and non-violence, and environmental protection."

so, um, ok?

what i find really interesting is that if i am forced to be honest, and i was honest when i took this, and i know i am always like, tortured saying

"but i am a philosopher i can't like, believe in god and all that spirituality stuff, it's fucking hokey!"

and really, that's true, that's a big part of how i think

and then

AND THEN

there's this other part that i can't account for and i try to hide away and i don't express in mixed company (and by mixed company i mean any company)

this other part, well, i read the liberal quaker bit and it's pretty spot on:

-Belief in Deity: Diverse beliefs, from belief in a personal God as an incorporeal spirit to questioning belief in a personal God.

that's pretty right on. i mean, especially the questioning belief in a personal god bit.

-Incarnations: Beliefs vary from the literal to the symbolic belief in Jesus Christ as God's incarnation. Most believe we are all sons and daughters of God with the main focus on experiencing and listening to God, the Light within, accessible to all.

this one...well, i don't know. seeing as though i have major challenges wrestling with the problem of the existence of god, i'd have to do a big "i don't know" on this one. but if i had to choose an idea of god, i would probably choose one akin to we are all the children of god and the main focus is a personal experience of not necessarily god, but with whatever it is within yourself that makes you quiet, calm, beautiful feeling, connected. whatever it is within you that is the best within you, and is you experiencing all the beauty you can. that's the closest i can come to it.

but "we are all children of god" is so close to "we are all children of the corn" for me, that you will never hear me utter it.

-Origin of universe and life: Emphasis is placed on spiritual truths as revealed to each individual. Many believe that God created/controls all events/process that modern scientists are uncovering about origins. Many believe in scientific accounts alone, or don't profess to know.

even though the "spiritual truths are revealed to each individual" absolutely reeks of possible adherence to (what i will call for philosophical laziness [bad bad jessica! somebody punish me!]) general subjectivism that i doubt i could ever stomach, i could definitely align myself with the "believes scientific accounts alone" or really, the "don't profess to know" camp of these quakers.

-After death: Few liberal Quakers believe in direct reward and punishment, heaven and hell, or second coming of Christ. The primary focus is non-dogmatic -- God is love, love is eternal, and our actions in life should reflect love for all of humanity.

yeah, i don't believe in any of that direct reward/punishment stuff, and i highly doubt there is an experiential heaven or hell outside how we experience our life now and i certainly don't believe in a second coming of christ. i like the non-dogmatic "our actions in life should reflect love for all humanity" bit.

call me a hippie and i'll fucken give you two black eyes. two black eyes of love.

-Why evil? Beliefs vary, as the focus is not on why, but how to eliminate wrongs, especially violence. Many believe that violence against another human is violence against God. Many Quakers believe that lack of awareness of God's divine light within all may result in wrongdoing. Many believe that evil is simply an unfortunate part of human nature that we all must work to eliminate.

dood, people are fucked, that's my bit on evil. we should really try to stop being bastards. look, i don't know what to do about it, but somehow i think handjobs are involved. more handjobs for everyone, and we'd probably all be more relaxed.

how's that for a nicely flippant answer to an outrageously complicated, vague, and painful question, hmm?

-Salvation: Diverse beliefs as there is a de-emphasis on dogma. Most believe that all will be saved as God is good and forgiving, and the divine light of God is available to all. Good works, especially social work and peace efforts, are viewed as integral to the salvation of humanity, regardless of belief or non-belief in an afterlife.

pretty much, regardless of an afterlife, we should be addressing how to make this life better for everyone. i am of the opinion that you should live the best you can to make the most of this life rather than work towards the next. in a perfect world, you would think that the two would be achieved by the same actions, but i don't think that's really been how things have historically worked out. well, actually, since we don't know if there is an afterlife perhaps historically they have.

BUT. historically people have done some horrible things to each other in the name of getting into heaven.

so, live for this life, not the next. be good to people in this life for the various reasons you should be--meaning, reasons other than "because then i'll go to heaven/be rewarded after i die". this is probably the most jewish thing i believe. there you go, pop.

-Undeserved Suffering: Liberal Quakers do not believe that Satan causes suffering. Some believe suffering is part of God's plan, will, or design even if we don't immediately understand it. Some don't believe in any spiritual reasons for suffering. Quakers focus on reducing human suffering, especially that caused by social injustice or violence.

yeah, satan's a bunch of bunkum. i remember the idea was intelligible to me when i was a little kid. my christian friends would tell me and i would look at them blankly, much like i look at Creamy Calves now nearly everytime she talks to me. i think reducing suffering should be the focus, not some improbable supernatural force that might have caused it.

but you know, i don't believe in heaven or hell either, so where would have satan have fit into my picture? nowhere, unless it was one of those devil girls, you know the hot chicks with the huge hips and strong legs and big round knocks and luscious asses and cute little horns.

i can get behind that.

-Contemporary Issues: Views vary, some maintaining that abortion violates Quaker commitment to nonviolence, but some view the right to choose abortion as an aspect of equal rights for women, and/or as a personal matter between the woman and God. The American Friends Service Committee (an independent Quaker organization with participants of many faiths that provides international programs for economic and social justice, peace, humanitarian aid) supports the woman�s right to choose abortion per her own conscience.

yeah, i definitely fit more with the unitarianwhosifudge than this, but still. i really like the idea of personal respnosiblity that the quakers emphasize.

so, i guess i am a quaker?

what if i really did become a quaker? i don't really know anything about them.

spiritual questioning is so sloppy and strange and asks you to take into consideration that are so questionable in the first place that i wonder if i ever will really know.

i don't know how to reconcile all this. i am not too worried about it, but i thought it was an interesting exercise.

i know i was going to talk about more of my newfound happiness and rampant self-acknowledgement-of-sexiness, and in particular i was finally going to talk about how prince figures into all that, but i am really hungry right now and i need some food to give me energy because i haven't eaten in like 17.5 hrs and my motor is runnin' on empty.

so, maybe more later.

wow. quaker, huh?

quaker