it's not unpleasant, it reminds me of driving into the sun on my way out from iowa, of looking in the mirror at the one line of sun running down my face, over my eye, my pupil becoming a pinpoint of black in a sea of green.

i really miss the road. i really miss my brother.

i have a feeling that i will just drive my car into the ground. i'd like to plan a trip with my brother to drive all the way to the east coast.

or, like, do you want to go on a trip with me across the country?

i'd like to make anna make good on her offer of a place to stay for a week or two in boston, and i'd like to see miles in chicago, and down to texas to see kim, and, er, i don't know who else.

i'd like to drive down to new orleans and do touristy stuff there. and see voodoo things.

i'd like to take an angel heart tour of new orleans, except without dying or killing anyone else. mostly, what i think i mean is i'd like to have a sexy time in new orleans.

i saw that movie when i was really young, and in the midst of my phase where mickey rourke was the central actor in all my masturbation fantasies. it's because my parents taped 9 1/2 weeks off skinemax or hbo or something and then, get this, said "you're not allowed to watch this, it's too dirty".

so, the next moment they weren't home i watched it.

and watched it.

and humped the carpet.

and watched it.

and thus continued the twisting of my young sexuality.

and then i saw angel heart, and well, since then, i want to do it in the grips of a hot sweltering nawlins summer night.

but what the hell was i talking about?

oh, road trip. yeah, i'd like to do that.

god, what happened to mickey rourke, by the way. jesus.

oh, and finally, influenced by my previous entry, last night i really did dream that niki and i were on a wraparound porch in bath tubs that were sitting side by side, and there was a big fluffy bed where the sheets were messed up and the pillows were stacked high. there was a trellis with star jasmine and windchimes singing a song in the breeze.

our little house was the only one around for as far as your eye could see. it was in a painted desert where everything was warm reds and golds.

we were bathing in warm milk and holding hands.