i'm leaving everything and moving somewhere i have previously only spent 4 days in.

i don't have a job waiting for me.

i am kind of scared shitless.

but.

i am going on an adventure.

and i can find a job, i'm mad marketable.

i'm going to be living with my very best friend in the world and her man, whom i love like family.

i am going to make new friends.

i will have new landscapes to break apart for my paintings.

i'll be in a basement, which is huge.

i'll get to put down the rug that no one but me likes, and it'll be ok because it's my room.

everything will be different.

and i think that's ok.

scary.

but ok.

besides, if it really sucks i can always drive a few hours to chicago and try this whole "do over" again.

i figure, i can have as many "do over"s as i need until i am doing stuff i like and i am happy.

i mean, i don't know if that's how it works, but the older i get, the more i am convinced that there is no "how it works" and we're all just fumbling along.