i keep clutching my abdomen, as my uterus is very very angry with me that i am not pregnant this month, and is punishing me accordingly. there is not enough ibuprofen in the entire world to deal with this. i need big shots of heroin, or to get my spine severed temporarily so that i can't feel anything below my waist. you can do that, right? sever your spinal cord and then fix it again? yeah? ok, cool. i'll have to use my lighter to sterilize my exacto knife and ask jon to do it tonight when he gets home from work.

it's also giving me wicked weird cravings, like for pineapple juice and thanksgiving dinner. or, a tuna sandwich and fruit salad from the people across the street (though that's not weird, that's my almost usual lunch, though today perhaps i will go for something more exotic, like vietnamese. but probably not). or cap'n crunch with a ton of milk. milk, people. i HATE milk. it's like, god, so gross i can't even get into how gross it is. IF i have milk with cereal at all, as i usually eat it dry, it's usually almond milk or vanilla rice milk, as neither of those make me gag.

and yes, i do like dairy products, all of them. except for plain milk. eugh.

well, yogurt's kinda iffy too, but if i am feeling some weird craving, i might have it.

strangely, given my craving for milk (which, the more i think about it, the less i want it), i am not craving yogurt. and certainly not go-gurt, which the devil himself must have come up with. or the same person who came up with peanut butter and jelly in the same jar. i know i am not the first person to say this, but what the fuck is that? i'll tell you what: so wrong.

though a peanut butter and banana sandwich sounds good right now. no no! fried banana with coconut ice cream. yeah...thai food.

crap, it's only 11 and i want lunch. not that i've had breakfast, but i shouldn't be hungry until like 1 or something. this "waking up earlier so that i can take a shower in the morning before work like a normal person" thing, sucks big time. it's throwing off my natural impulses and WhatNot. such as getting up after the sun has come up.

seriously, someone please come and slam me in the back of the head with a bat or something and knock me out, i am in so much WOMAN PAIN that i can't stand it anymore.

and what's worse, i am not in bed with blankets stacked on top of me like hotcakes, and i am not drinking tea and eating orange slices and i am not laying with a heating pad and/or having my tummy rubbed. none of this is happening. rather, i am in my half-dark cubicle working away (except for, you know, writing here. but this is part of my fuck-you-work-i-won't-do-what-you-told-me rebellion after last week's "fuck you" from my boss.)

SIDEBAR: i just had to go ask a girl from another dept for some help with a project and she was real nice, and while she was walking away i could not help but stare at her sweet sweet ass. seriously, the only really good thing about working here is the abnormal ratio of good asses to average asses. it's strange. and i have yet to see a good ass on a male here, too. like, 60% of the women here have asses that i would not mind touching. in fact, i would like it. the Co-Worker, however, being male, loses, as his ass is a big huge basball player's ass. it's enormous. enormous baseball player's asses are weird, and i swear to god almost all baseball players have them. what is that? i am sure there is some, you know, scientific reason for it, but i don't care all that much. because his big huge ass matches his big huge head.

anyway, now i am back from lunch, and i had strange vietnamese food, and i am finally satisfied. foodwise.

and, my day is more than half over. but only by thismuch.

also, i read this this morning and, best friend, do you remember this school in TO? i sure don't. i think the Onion needs a fact checker, and i am volunteering for the job.

oh, another ok thing about my job is that my boss has this weird habit of giving me finger puppets. i have a giraffe and two halloween ones. if i could, i would type with them on. let's try:

hjni, tghjgis ids 3wha3trf it';3ws lik4e t o tguyoler 323wityj puppedtg2w on uyour finbgvbberwws. ("hi, this is what it's like to type with puppets on your fingers")

i think she gets them from starbucks. neat.

these two are my very favorite reads right now. everyone should go swim in them for awhile.

i want a someone with warm hands to stand behind me and hold my ears while i work. i forgot my scarf today, so if they could periodically rub my neck, too, that'd be great.

i am listening to that mix cd i made for rachel, and song #4, "houses tilted towards the sea" by hood, and it's making me feel all glassy eyed, and i can feel my heart beating in my lips. if i closed my eyes, i feel like i am falling dizzy into bed or the sea or into arms and my cold cold ears are covered by everything warm.