enjoy, diary!!

secretbruises (6:19:34 PM): LIFE GIVES AND THEN IT TAKES AWAY, DOOD.

ThreeRedFish (6:19:59 PM): what is up with the bitch?

secretbruises (6:20:21 PM): oh, i haven't figured it out. i think it's a general malfunction with her motherboard/cpu

secretbruises (6:20:42 PM): in other words, she's just built that way. she's part of the "cunty" line of models.

ThreeRedFish (6:21:00 PM): haha

secretbruises (6:21:17 PM): in any case, i could give a shit. i know it has nothing to do with me and that i am not going to let anyone intimidate me out of asking questions to do my job better

secretbruises (6:21:25 PM): so, basically, she can lick my nut sack

ThreeRedFish (6:21:37 PM): jessica.

ThreeRedFish (6:21:43 PM): you don't have a nut sack

secretbruises (6:22:00 PM): niki. it's a figure of speech

ThreeRedFish (6:22:06 PM): i know

ThreeRedFish (6:22:20 PM): i hate her with you

secretbruises (6:22:41 PM): oh, ok. good. i didn't want you to think i went through any major changes/upgrades since i last saw you.

secretbruises (6:23:06 PM): yes, hate her with me

ThreeRedFish (6:23:21 PM): no. i'm just saying.. if you want her to lick something.. might as well be something you have..

secretbruises (6:23:35 PM): we shall call her cunty mccunterson, and i shall regale (sp?) you with tales of her cuntiocity.

ThreeRedFish (6:23:36 PM): boy are always getting their nut sacks licked

ThreeRedFish (6:23:43 PM): haha

ThreeRedFish (6:23:52 PM): you make her sound like a queen

secretbruises (6:23:54 PM): yeah, but the thing is, boys would totally let someone they hate lick their nut sacks

secretbruises (6:24:12 PM): whereas, i don't want cunty's mouth anywhere near me, let alone near anywhere that might feel good if she licked it.

ThreeRedFish (6:24:31 PM): this is why i think i am supposed to be gay

secretbruises (6:24:32 PM): so, like, she can lick the bottom of my trashcan. i feel nothing, and her mouth is full of yuck. it's a win-win

ThreeRedFish (6:24:59 PM): boys totally WOULD let someone they hate lick their nut sack

ThreeRedFish (6:25:01 PM): they are so lame

secretbruises (6:25:10 PM): dood. they are grody.

secretbruises (6:25:13 PM): i am totally over boys

secretbruises (6:25:23 PM): unless they are gay, or they are women. then they are fine.

ThreeRedFish (6:25:37 PM): yeah. i'm over boys too

secretbruises (6:25:55 PM): strangely, though, i love girls who look like boys. but like, if they have a nut sack, i don't know if i can hang with that, since they probably let someone they don't like lick it

ThreeRedFish (6:26:03 PM): even if boys try really hard they can't be as cool as girls who don't try at all

secretbruises (6:26:20 PM): and like, i am so not touching a nut sack that some dirty bitch with a bad attitude and bad acrylics licked.

ThreeRedFish (6:26:30 PM): do you like how i have reverted to fifth grade insults

secretbruises (6:26:41 PM): yes, do you like how i even bothered to notice her nails?

ThreeRedFish (6:26:41 PM): hahahahahaha

ThreeRedFish (6:26:47 PM): yes

ThreeRedFish (6:26:53 PM): i want a girlfriend who looks like a boy

ThreeRedFish (6:26:55 PM): or

ThreeRedFish (6:26:57 PM): better yet

secretbruises (6:27:00 PM): DO YOU LIKE HOW I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF FROM NOTICING THAT MY HIGHLIGHTS LOOK WAY BETTER THAN HER HIGHLIGHTS?

secretbruises (6:27:11 PM): girls are fucked up, though. and i am one of them.

ThreeRedFish (6:27:47 PM): i saw the hottest lez couple at this show i went to the other night.. they both looked like vulcans but with the prettiest laciest clothes mixed with the toughest knee high combat boots

ThreeRedFish (6:27:52 PM): they were so hot

secretbruises (6:27:58 PM): grr-rowr

ThreeRedFish (6:28:06 PM): girls may be fucked up, but at least they're not boys

secretbruises (6:28:08 PM): helloooooo sexy american girlfriend!

secretbruises (6:28:13 PM): that's what i'm talking about

secretbruises (6:28:20 PM): so like, have we decided to go gay?

secretbruises (6:28:24 PM): gay gay gay? gay all day?

ThreeRedFish (6:28:29 PM): dude. i'm pretty ready.

ThreeRedFish (6:28:49 PM): i'd still like to bone boys on the rare occasion. but sex only.

ThreeRedFish (6:28:52 PM): and just cause i'm bored

secretbruises (6:28:56 PM): alright. well.

secretbruises (6:29:00 PM): everything is in place.

secretbruises (6:29:18 PM): we don't need to change a single thing EXCEPT, we have to start doing it with girls almost exclusively

ThreeRedFish (6:29:32 PM): from here on out, i am making my community dick free

secretbruises (6:29:57 PM): well, i am making my experiences dick free. i still like some people who happen to have a weenis.

ThreeRedFish (6:30:14 PM): whatever jessica

ThreeRedFish (6:30:17 PM): hahahaha

secretbruises (6:30:38 PM): BUT THEY USE THEIR WEENIS FOR GOOD (READ: GAY SEX) AND NOT EVIL (READ: SLUTS WITH BAD ACRYLICS)

secretbruises (6:31:08 PM): except for my brother, who i like, and who does not use it for gay sex

secretbruises (6:31:21 PM): BUT LIKE, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT WHAT HE DOES WITH HIS WEENIS, SO KINDLY DON'T TELL ME.

secretbruises (6:44:11 PM): i post our very hilarious conversation about cunty mccunterson/going gay?

secretbruises (6:44:19 PM): can i, that is

ThreeRedFish (6:44:24 PM): okay

secretbruises (6:44:29 PM): you can say no

ThreeRedFish (6:44:35 PM): sure

secretbruises (6:44:37 PM): some people might think it's too personal

secretbruises (6:44:43 PM): i don't, but that's me

secretbruises (6:44:46 PM): ok, rad

ThreeRedFish (6:44:48 PM): even though you were the funny person

ThreeRedFish (6:44:52 PM): i was the five year old

secretbruises (6:44:53 PM): no dood

secretbruises (6:44:57 PM): we were both funny

secretbruises (6:45:02 PM): and both 5 yr olds

secretbruises (6:45:05 PM): you know why?

secretbruises (6:45:14 PM): we're multi-faceted

secretbruises (6:45:30 PM): that's why we're so hard to get along with. we're complicated

secretbruises (6:45:54 PM): that's why it's hard to find people to get along with, other than each other. we are simply too complex.

ThreeRedFish (6:47:03 PM): hahahahahaha

secretbruises (6:47:09 PM): ok, anyway, tell me what you guys were talking about, with the surrogates and shit

ThreeRedFish (6:47:25 PM): surrogate sexual partners, dude. they're weird.

secretbruises (6:47:42 PM): why would you get one?

ThreeRedFish (6:48:02 PM): a surrogate sexual partner?

ThreeRedFish (6:48:13 PM): well.. because you have intimacy issues

ThreeRedFish (6:48:17 PM): so basically, you pay this person

secretbruises (6:48:19 PM): yeah. right. well. hmmmm.

ThreeRedFish (6:48:21 PM): to have a relationship with you

ThreeRedFish (6:48:23 PM): sex and all

ThreeRedFish (6:48:30 PM): it's like prostitution

secretbruises (6:48:32 PM): is it just a sexual relationship?

ThreeRedFish (6:48:37 PM): only it's therapy!

ThreeRedFish (6:48:38 PM): no

ThreeRedFish (6:48:45 PM): it's like a real relationship

ThreeRedFish (6:48:50 PM): only it isn't a real relationship

secretbruises (6:48:50 PM): THAT'S WEIRD, OK?

ThreeRedFish (6:48:56 PM): I KNOW

secretbruises (6:49:00 PM): dood

secretbruises (6:49:07 PM): i have more intimacy issues than anyone i know

ThreeRedFish (6:49:15 PM): she thought i had issues because i was anti surrogate sexual parters

secretbruises (6:49:16 PM): BUT I AM NOT PAYING SOMEONE TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME

ThreeRedFish (6:49:19 PM): she being m

secretbruises (6:49:33 PM): how neat for her

secretbruises (6:49:58 PM): well. like, do you have to be into sex surrogates, or else you're repressed or something?

ThreeRedFish (6:50:12 PM): who knows

ThreeRedFish (6:50:22 PM): i could say to her: oh yeah, well at least i've FUCKED GIRLS!

secretbruises (6:51:09 PM): and that means...oh that you're sexually free!

secretbruises (6:51:14 PM): YOU ARE TOTALLY SEXUALLY FREE!

secretbruises (6:51:24 PM): dood.

ThreeRedFish (6:51:27 PM): I AM FREE

secretbruises (6:51:29 PM): i am so going to make you a tshirt

ThreeRedFish (6:51:31 PM): FREE FROM DICK

secretbruises (6:51:37 PM): and it's going to say "sexually liberated"

secretbruises (6:51:42 PM): across your boobs

secretbruises (6:51:53 PM): and on the back, it will list all the freaky things you don't have problems with

secretbruises (6:51:54 PM): BUT

ThreeRedFish (6:51:55 PM): i'm going to make a tshirt that says "cock-free"

ThreeRedFish (6:52:00 PM): HAHAHAHAHAHA

secretbruises (6:52:11 PM): at the bottom, it's going to say "EXCEPT FOR SEXUAL SURROGATES: THAT'S JUST WEIRD"

ThreeRedFish (6:52:24 PM): hahahahahaha

secretbruises (6:52:41 PM): and on my tshirt, it's going to say "EXCEPT FOR SEX SURROGATES AND REAL DOLLS: THAT'S JUST WEIRD AND THEY ARE LIKE DEAD HOOKERS, YOU FREAK!"

ThreeRedFish (6:52:52 PM): i mean, seriously. you are paying someone to have sex with you.

secretbruises (6:52:59 PM): apparently, you are.

ThreeRedFish (6:53:05 PM): and not even someone you are hot for

secretbruises (6:53:13 PM): and to be honest, i don't have a problem with the sex part, since it's FOR THERAPY

secretbruises (6:53:24 PM): it's the other facets of the relationship that you are paying for

ThreeRedFish (6:53:24 PM): http://www.icasa.co.uk/Surrogate%20Sexual%20Partners.htm

secretbruises (6:53:26 PM): THAT'S JUST WEIRD.

ThreeRedFish (6:54:00 PM): what if you were dating someone who's job was sexual surrogate

secretbruises (6:54:15 PM): remember how i wouldn't date a sex surrogate?

secretbruises (6:54:27 PM): SORRY, I AM NOT GOING TO DATE YOU, MISS SEXUAL SURROGATE, I DON'T CARE HOW HOT YOU ARE

ThreeRedFish (6:54:34 PM): HOW WOULD ANYONE?

ThreeRedFish (6:54:40 PM): also

secretbruises (6:54:44 PM): maybe if they didn't care

ThreeRedFish (6:54:56 PM): m apparently knows a guy who is a sexual surrogate and is GAY AND DOES IT WITH GIRLS

secretbruises (6:55:53 PM): man, that's like 6 girls i know fantasy

secretbruises (6:55:58 PM): they all have boners for gay doods

secretbruises (6:56:04 PM): like, i don't want to do it with a gay dood, ok?

secretbruises (6:56:10 PM): because he likes nut sack

secretbruises (6:56:19 PM): and as we established earlier, I SIMPLY DON'T HAVE ONE.

secretbruises (6:57:10 PM): he's probably the most liberated of all

secretbruises (6:57:17 PM): dood, i think i am really going to make you a tshirt

secretbruises (6:57:27 PM): except it's going to be an a-shirt

ThreeRedFish (6:57:38 PM): dude. i don't want to be with a gay guy. not when i could have sex with a girl. that's like having a big mac instead of a steak

secretbruises (6:57:46 PM): and with a sharpie i'll write "sexually liberated" across your boobies

secretbruises (6:57:52 PM): and on the back, i'll write "from cock"

ThreeRedFish (6:58:01 PM): hahahaha

secretbruises (6:58:31 PM): because, remember how you can buy a penis at a store?

secretbruises (6:58:38 PM): and like your hot gf could strap that shit on?

ThreeRedFish (6:58:42 PM): exactly

secretbruises (6:58:45 PM): and you can STILL PLAY WITH HER BOOBIES?

ThreeRedFish (6:58:47 PM): yeah

secretbruises (6:58:56 PM): and also, she can take it off?

ThreeRedFish (6:59:08 PM): and both of you can be getting fucked by your super hot double dick action dildo

secretbruises (6:59:20 PM): remember how doods just get a pocket pussy, or a "fleshlight"?

ThreeRedFish (6:59:21 PM): strapped into it's pink sparkley elvis the pelvis harness

ThreeRedFish (6:59:28 PM): boring!

secretbruises (6:59:30 PM): i know!

secretbruises (6:59:40 PM): AND THEY STILL DON'T HAVE BOOBIES TO PLAY WITH!

secretbruises (6:59:54 PM): i'm just saying, i'm totally down for this cock-free lifestyle

ThreeRedFish (7:00:01 PM): me too

secretbruises (7:00:06 PM): since, it's not actually cock-free, IT'S JUST BOY FREE!

ThreeRedFish (7:00:16 PM): BOY FREE

secretbruises (7:00:43 PM): i am getting misty eyed

ThreeRedFish (7:01:00 PM): me too

secretbruises (7:01:04 PM): i am so emo right now that if i put on "imagine" by john lennon, i think i would actually cry.

secretbruises (7:01:15 PM): IMAGINING A BOY FREE LIFE

ThreeRedFish (7:01:31 PM): awwww

secretbruises (7:01:32 PM): niki, i wish i could hug you right now. you complete me

ThreeRedFish (7:01:43 PM): YEAH! I LOVE YOU!

secretbruises (7:01:53 PM): you had me at "cock-free"

secretbruises (7:02:19 PM): alright, that's it

secretbruises (7:02:35 PM): next stop, lesbanon.

ThreeRedFish (7:02:37 PM): hahahaha

secretbruises (7:02:49 PM): it feels good to make a decision and go with it.

ThreeRedFish (7:03:00 PM): yeah. i guess i'm going to have to break up with my boyfriend

ThreeRedFish (7:03:10 PM): oh well

ThreeRedFish (7:03:16 PM): casualty of war

secretbruises (7:03:19 PM): yes

secretbruises (7:03:40 PM): you have to break a few eggs to make a cock-free omelette

ThreeRedFish (7:03:47 PM): hahahahaha

secretbruises (7:03:55 PM): i'm beaming.

ThreeRedFish (7:04:02 PM): i'm hugging myself

ThreeRedFish (7:04:13 PM): i feel like this cock free world is full of self love

secretbruises (7:04:19 PM): yay!

ThreeRedFish (7:04:20 PM): are you reading cunt?

secretbruises (7:04:37 PM): no, i haven't started it yet. i'll start it tonight. i was going to last night but it was raining when i went out for my smoke.

ThreeRedFish (7:04:40 PM): cause dude, you need to read it

secretbruises (7:04:47 PM): i know i know

ThreeRedFish (7:05:21 PM): oh man oh man

secretbruises (7:05:30 PM): i am putting together one of our funnier conversations, niki

secretbruises (7:05:33 PM): i seriously love us

ThreeRedFish (7:05:39 PM): i love us, too

secretbruises (7:05:44 PM): and, also, it keeps me from having to write a real diary entry

secretbruises (7:05:51 PM): which i am loathe to do

ThreeRedFish (7:06:08 PM): i love us even more now because we are no longer in cock shackles

ThreeRedFish (7:06:31 PM): i mean WHO THE FUCK EVER NEEDED A BOY

secretbruises (7:06:33 PM): like cock-rings, but, you know, shackles of penile oppression.

ThreeRedFish (7:06:34 PM): ?

secretbruises (7:06:43 PM): they are a pain, that's for sure.

ThreeRedFish (7:06:48 PM): shackles of penile oppression... it's so good

secretbruises (7:06:58 PM): dood

ThreeRedFish (7:07:05 PM): i feel like i am seeing the promised land for the first time

secretbruises (7:07:15 PM): the land of milk and honey

ThreeRedFish (7:07:20 PM): oh yeah

secretbruises (7:07:22 PM): just niki

ThreeRedFish (7:07:22 PM): OH YEAH

ThreeRedFish (7:07:30 PM): yeah?

secretbruises (7:07:32 PM): when you start doing it with girls

ThreeRedFish (7:07:39 PM): yeah?

secretbruises (7:07:59 PM): please promise me you'll never call their fertile crescents "honey pots"

secretbruises (7:08:04 PM): that's just so wrong.

ThreeRedFish (7:08:10 PM): hahahaha

ThreeRedFish (7:08:11 PM): okay

secretbruises (7:08:13 PM): thanks dood

secretbruises (7:08:19 PM): don't even call it a fertile crescent

ThreeRedFish (7:08:44 PM): aww.. i like fertile crescent.. althought i guess the point is kind of moot if i'm only doing it with other girls

ThreeRedFish (7:08:51 PM): unless i shoot up some man-seed

secretbruises (7:08:52 PM): call it a pussy or a cunt, or in times of extreme prejudice (i.e., when you can't curse) a strawberry patch

secretbruises (7:09:14 PM): because, i don't think there's anything funnier than calling it a "strawberry patch"

secretbruises (7:09:18 PM): LIKE, WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN???

ThreeRedFish (7:09:22 PM): WHO KNOWS

ThreeRedFish (7:09:29 PM): all i know is that it's not a cock!

ThreeRedFish (7:09:44 PM): and that means i am free to harvest it!

secretbruises (7:10:09 PM): dood, why would you shoot up man seed?

ThreeRedFish (7:10:28 PM): maybe i want to be pregnant. i think pregnant ladies are hot

secretbruises (7:10:40 PM): i do too

secretbruises (7:11:06 PM): but like, can't you just, i don't know, buy one online or something?

secretbruises (7:11:12 PM): a pregnancy, that is.

ThreeRedFish (7:11:50 PM): i don't think so

secretbruises (7:12:09 PM): oh. well then tie off girl! i'll get your gear ready so you can SHOOT IT UP!

ThreeRedFish (7:12:30 PM): YEAH!

secretbruises (7:26:54 PM): we should probably live together

secretbruises (7:27:00 PM): and like, have babies

secretbruises (7:27:03 PM): with other girls

ThreeRedFish (7:27:14 PM): yup

secretbruises (7:27:17 PM): and start a whole "community"

ThreeRedFish (7:27:18 PM): and a big garden

ThreeRedFish (7:27:23 PM): and flowing clothes

secretbruises (7:27:26 PM): and bath tubs on the porch

ThreeRedFish (7:27:30 PM): dud

ThreeRedFish (7:27:31 PM): e

ThreeRedFish (7:27:32 PM): yes

secretbruises (7:27:38 PM): and we'll all wrap our hair up like erykah badu

ThreeRedFish (7:27:39 PM): bathtubs outside everywhere

ThreeRedFish (7:27:42 PM): yup

secretbruises (7:27:48 PM): and, i will have a gf who looks like erykah badu

ThreeRedFish (7:27:48 PM): bathtubs in the garden

secretbruises (7:27:51 PM): yes!

secretbruises (7:27:54 PM): with warm milk!

ThreeRedFish (7:28:09 PM): i will have a girfriend who looks like a vulcan in lacey dresses with big boots

ThreeRedFish (7:28:19 PM): and we'll have brown skinned curly haired babies

secretbruises (7:28:26 PM): my baby's going to have lots of curly hair

ThreeRedFish (7:28:35 PM): and we'll eat lots of brown rice and at night stay up listening to old jazz records and drinking wine

secretbruises (7:28:47 PM): it's too bad we can't have a baby together. that would be one beautiful child. intelligent and artistic.

secretbruises (7:28:55 PM): she could CHANGE THE DAMNED WORLD.

secretbruises (7:29:39 PM): oh, and you can eat the brown rice. because dood? yuck.

ThreeRedFish (7:30:17 PM): whoah whoah whoah

ThreeRedFish (7:30:22 PM): you don't like brown rice?

secretbruises (7:30:35 PM): jesus no. at least, not any brown rice i have ever eaten.

ThreeRedFish (7:30:46 PM): hmmm...

secretbruises (7:30:57 PM): but i haven't had all that much