it just took me walking around my neighborhood tonight to make me feel a little less defeated. being on ground level and feeling my feet against the pavement reminded me of being in berkeley, people all around me, cars flying past, waiting on walk signals, and couting steps between sidewalk lines. i walked around the hotel up the street, seeing tons of things i want to photograph, and listening to people karaoke to "the twilight zone" by golden earring.
i came home, made a nice dinner, talked to a long lost friend, talked to a not long lost but too far away friend and read for a long time. unpacked some more things like my mrs lady and mr guy, the two wooden body models i have, some more books, found more candles, little dishes and tea cups and my paint brushes.
man are they shitty paint brushes. in a month i'll have to make my big score be a new set of brushes.
i took pictures, found everything that my heart desires to read on the internet, and spent the night just kind of looking around my apt, feeling pretty ok to be here.
tomorrow, i have a hair cut, which means i will be spending a pretty penny on new aveda product. this makes me extremely happy. the salon is not even a block away. there is a news stand that sells my cigarettes cheaper than the place i had been getting them, and maybe tomorrow i'll walk up there and get some magazines to cut up for new books.
my whole apt smells like candles, vanilla and pear and sweet warmth.
it's 325am and i am listening to free internet radio which is crystal clear and playing low & dirty three.
i have cranberry juice and sandwich fixings and a place to live at least until the end of this month (with no reason to think i won't be able to afford next month).
though i felt alone and failed earlier, right now i am glad to be where i am.
i'm going to lay on the floor, turn off my monitor and watch the candles paint angels on the ceiling.
mrs lady (left) and mr guy
tonight's the day, candle
