i'm a little out of it.

i went to the doctor today, so i took the whole day off.

going to the doctor was only sort of traumatizing, though i feel a bit sore, and also, tired.

apparently, the only kind of gynecologist i will ever have are young, pretty asian women. that's the only kind i have ever had, and it's not like i am selecting them. i just kinda get them in the grand old hmo lottery way of making an appt at a group and then getting whomever.

this one was nice, though not terribly gentle with the exam.

she did heat up the tool in hot water though, which i thought was nice.

at least i didn't have panic attacks this time. i guess that's growing up--being more comfortable with total strangers looking at and manipulating your fun zone in not-at-all-pleasurable-or-sexual-ways.

i am just kind of dazed, i guess. i mean, it's fucking weird. "hi, nice to meet you, i'll get naked now and put my legs up in stirrups. if you have a chance, go ahead and take a look. yeah, could you feel around too, make sure everything's ok? maybe check for cancer or something? how about you stick something metal in a delicate place, and then expand it? is that cool? ok, cool, you're great, thanks."

all i'm saying is, is the speculum really necessary? couldn't we get some technological advancement on this? something with lasers or maybe cold fusion, or special x-ray glasses from novelty shops or fucking something?