falling falling falling

i've washed things and wiped them down and used industrial strength cleaner and it still seems like things aren't clean

the amount of mail you can receive in 3 months is astounding

only two pieces were letters to me, the rest bills and other official somethings

i have straightened things up, but not too much

it wouldn't feel like me, it would make me nervous

i leave the shoes sitting haphazardly in corners, and the stacks of books and papers

the canvases stacked against the wall, ends of candles, an empty wine bottle near the closet, the empty maker's mark bottle near my feet, a license plate from california on the floor, stuarts feathers wherever he wants them

i don't really have anything to show off, or things on the wall

the photos have curled, and i let them lay on my desk with the fortunes from cookies, a water bottle just in case and cords snaking across the floor

i have washed my hands over and over again and my fingernails are still dirty

i'll wake up early and make another go at the straightening and the cleaning, for safety

i'll wash my hands again