you know those moments where you hear a song and it totally goes right into your chest and rips your heart out? where you just kind of get thrown against the wall and when you open your eyes, stars spinning in front of them and your breath catching in your throat because how you feel is so completely real and right back in the moment that you've tied to its notes?
well, it's 430am and i am listening to carolyn's fingers by the cocteau twins and i swear to god i am 14 years old again and i am sitting in aleli estrada's room and we are talking about my first real crush and i am hearing this song for the first time. i can totally see how the light came into her room and half blinded me in the afterschool sun. i can see her hands moving wildly and i remember thinking she was the most beautiful girl i had ever seen. and i know liz frazier's voice was the most beautiful i had ever heard.
and i remember feeling hopeful about the boy i had fallen head over feet for. and i remember how this album felt the first time i put it on to go to sleep, in my room in my parent's house, with the fish tank with the blue gravel and no fish and the candles i always had lit, and the sounds of nothing outside, with the curtains blocking out the world.
it's amazing and perfect, this moment. and i put it in here so that i would remember.
