it's just been like that.

of course i have been listening to the beatles all day. like most everyone else, i guess.

i told my brother this morning and he was crushed. george was his favorite.

otherwise, i don't know what i am going to do this weekend. i have been invited to a dinner party at my house tomorrow night by my sister. her and her boyfriend and his friends and their girlfriends. and me.

i don't know what to think about that. it sounds unbelievably depressing. it's not so much being the only single person in a room full of couples, because i don't really care much about that.

more than that, it's to do with my sister and her boyfriend and his friends. it just would feel so weird.

am i too picky?

am i fucked in the head because i would rather just hang out in my room?

i might be busy. or something.

if i didn't have something due by midnight i would just go to a movie or something. maybe i'll do that anyway...try to get my stuff done early in the day so as to be able to make my midnight deadline.

i've buffed half my fingernails...but not very well. i meant to do all of them, but i got distracted by something. so i have had beautiful nails on most of the fingers of my left hand for the last two days...it's a 4 to 6 ratio...not too bad, i guess.

maybe tomorrow night, in addition to my project which is due, i could be busy doing my nails...but i have a feeling i will finish that tonight.

i have been taking naps each evening when i get home...it's not my fault, it's the fact that out of poverty i have been using candles to warm my room instead of a heater...and when the candles are burning, and my bed is made (because oddly i have been doing that everyday too) and 'like spinning plates (live)' and 'mood swing whiskey' and 'dead flag blues' and 'grey ice water' and 'hyperion and sunset' is the constant soundtrack for the last 4 days...it's just really hard to stay awake. particularly if i get under the covers to keep warm 'til my room warms up.

somehow, i just kinda drift in and out...and the coversations in the other room kinda twist themselves up with the music...and it's warm so everything is breathing with it...and my feet are rubbing together in time, like they always do while i fall asleep...and it's real nice.

until my brother bounded in and wanted to have hangout time. which was fun, indeed.

but

i won't even tell you what my brother made monk monk and mr bickerson do last night.

i'll tell you this much, though: my brother? he's not right in the head.

i miss my friends.

i want to go out and have fun.

but no one's around.

maybe i'll take myself out for a movie.